Daily Joke: Well-Dressed Drunk Man Walks into a Bar
It's said that when people get drunk, they either get very happy or very sad. One man got very generous, but one person didn't appreciate it.
A WELL-DRESSED MAN ENTERS A BAR
One night, a well-dressed yet obviously drunk man walks into a bar.
"Bartender!" he screams as he approaches the counter. "A drink for everyone, please! Pour one for me, and one for you, too!"
The bartender pours all the drinks and everyone in the bar cheers. They all consume their beverages.
The bartender gives the man the bill. The drunkard just shrugs and tells him, "Actually, I didn't bring my wallet tonight. Sorry."
The bartender goes on to give the man a proper beating and then throws him out of the bar.
The following night, the bartender sees the man come in again. He's well-dressed and once again, drunk.
"Bartender! A drink for everyone, please! Pour for me and for you too!" he happily shouts as he arrives at the bar.
The bartender thinks to himself: "There's no way this guy is that stupid. He must have come to pay. Now I feel bad for beating him up."
The bartender pours all the drinks and once again, everyone in the bar cheers and drinks up with delight.
The bartender then hands the man the bill. Again, the man shrugs and says, "Oh, I didn't bring my wallet with me again, so sorry."
More angered this time, the bartender beats him up even worse than the previous night and kicks him out.
On the third night in a row, the bartender is shocked to see the man show up again, well-dressed and drunk.
"Bartender! A drink for everyone, please! Pour one for me too, please!" screams the man.
Fuming, the bartenders twistedly grins and asks, "What, no drink for ME tonight?"
The drunk looks up at him and says: "No way man, you get way too violent when you drink."
TOM ENTERS A STABLE TO BUY A HORSE
Tom entered Harry's stable looking to purchase a horse. "Hey listen," Harry told him. "I've got the perfect horse for you.
"The only thing is, he was trained by an interesting fellow, and he doesn't stop and go the normal way.
"You have to scream 'Hey Hey' to make him stop and 'Thank God' to make him go."
Tom agreed to take the horse. "That's ok with me. Can I just take him for a test run?" he asked.
Tom was having a great time with the horse as he sped down a dirt road. Soon, he saw a cliff up ahead.
"Stop!" he screamed. The horse didn't listen. For the life of him, he couldn't remember the words to make the horse stop.
"Yo, yo! he screamed as the horse plodded ahead. They were five meters from the cliff when Tom finally remembered.
"Hey, Hey!" he balled. The horse came to a halt a mere centimeter from the cliff edge.
In disbelief of his good fortune, Tom looked up to the sky, raised his hands, and breathed a sigh of life: "Thank God," he said.
OLD MAN CHOOSES A RING FOR YOUNG GIRLFRIEND
One Friday evening, an elderly man walked into a jewelry store with a gorgeous young lady at his side.
The man told the jeweler he would like a very special ring to give to his girlfriend.
The jeweler did some searching and then presented the man with a beautiful $5,000 ring.
"I'm not sure you quite understand," the old man said when he saw the item. "I need something more special than that."
The delighted jeweler then went over to his exclusive stock and came back with another ring.
"Here's an exceptional piece for only $40,000," he told the old man. He saw as the young lady's eye widened and her body trembled with excitement.
The old man seemed satisfied. He told the jeweler: "We'll take it." The jeweler asked how payment would be made.
The old man said he would be paying by cheque. He then noted, "I Know you have to make sure my check is good, so I'll write it out now and you can call the bank on Monday to verify the funds are there.
"I'll pick the ring up on Monday afternoon," he said. "Does that work for you?" The jeweler was fine with the arrangement.
On Monday morning, a very disgruntled jeweler called up the old man and told him, "There's no money in the account!"
The old man responded, "I know, but can you imagine the weekend I just had?"