Daily Joke: Two Police Officers Saw an Old Woman Staggering Out a Local Bar
Today's joke proves that the best of intentions can sometimes fall victim to misunderstandings.
Two kind-hearted police officers decide to drive a clearly drunk old woman home from the bar, instead of arresting her and are in for a surprise.
DRUNK AS A SKUNK
Two police officers on patrol saw an elderly woman stagger out of a local unsavory drinking dive, clearly inebriated.
The woman made her way to a car, and the officers immediately intervened. They approached the woman and pointed out that she was in no condition to drive. Then, taking her somewhat advanced age into account, they decided to spare her a night at the drunk tank and offered to drive her home.
TAKE THE LONG WAY HOME
The lady, deep in her cups, thanked the young officers, and gushingly admired their gallantry and good looks, and even tried to flirt with them, in her doddering way.
The woman started to give the officers directions to her home, and would occasionally stroke the driver's muscled bicep and murmur seductively: "You're passionate..."
The officers found themselves driving around in circles, and every time they asked the woman where she lived, she'd caress the driver's arm and slur out: "You're passionate..."
After two hours, the officers finally lost their patience, pulled over, and said to their drunken passenger: "Look, lady, we have driven around this city for two hours and you still haven't told us where you live!"
The woman goggled at them in drunken astonishment and slurred:
"But officers, I keep trying to tell you, you're passin' it!"
It certainly gives a whole new meaning to "protect and to serve"...
MEDICINE AND MISUNDERSTANDINGS
A plus-sized woman, who'd been complaining to her long-suffering doctor about her weight for years, rushed into the office crying: "Doctor, I need to lose weight fast."
The doctor, who'd put her on various nutritional and exercise regimes over the years, none of which she'd ever followed, exclaimed: "I suggest you give your jaws a rest and put your butt to work!"
The woman stared at him in bewilderment and left.
Two months later she was back having dropped an incredible 120 pounds. She was glowing with happiness and cried: "Doctor, I followed your instructions to the letter, and it's worked like a dream! I'm half the size I was."
While chatting to his patient, the doctor noticed that she kept squirming in the chair. He asked: "What's up with your nerves, you seem to have developed a nervous twitch..."
The woman replied:
"I don't have a nervous twitch, Doctor, I'm chewing bubble gum."
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