"My Marriage Is On The Rocks Because Of My Mother. I Need Some Serious Help. Discussion of the Day"
When you marry someone, it's normal for you to want your spouse to get along with your family, but sometimes things don't work out that way. For one Redditor, his life turned upside down when he found out that his family completely hated his wife.
It's tough when the people that you love don't get along. More often than not, you find yourself caught in the middle and have to choose between your partner and your family. And things only get worse when a child is involved.
Every parent wants their kid to have a relationship with their family, but what if that family is toxic? Parents in this situation have to make the unenviable decision of choosing to ignore their own family's shortcomings or cut them off entirely.
"My Family Hates My WIfe, And It's Killing Me"
An anonymous husband/father opened up about the complicated relationship dynamics between his wife and son's family. The Redditor has four older sisters who don't share the same values as he and his wife. At first, everything was fine, but things changed after the birth of his son.
The Redditor explains that his wife started to become more protective and "overly cautious" when it came to their son, and his family interpreted that in the wrong way. Since then, his entire family began insulting and mistreating his wife, and he's been caught in the middle. The anonymous father knows that things can't stay like this, but he doesn't know what to do.
What If My Partner and My Family Never Get Along?
One of the first things you need to do is to address the situation before it goes out of control. If your wife complained to you about your family, then you should talk to them as soon as possible. Avoiding dealing with the situation will only make it worse, and both your family and your partner may resent you for it.
Your wife is your first priority. Take some time to talk with your family and let them know about her concerns. More often than not, you know your family better than anyone, so you should know the best way to interact with them. Remember to make sure that you advocate for your partner and remind them that you want everyone to get along.
Sometimes The Situation Is Reversed.
In another similar instance, a Reddit user married a woman who came from a different upbringing, and she ended up trying to keep him from his family. An Anonymous Reddit user shared that his wife hated being around his family and would actively try to keep him away from them.
The user explained that after his father passed away when he was young, his family had difficulty making ends meet. He grew up with his mother, grandma, and disabled aunt. Now that he's older, he wants to help take care of them, but his wife hates being around them. The Redditor said,
This permanent tension gives me a lot of headache and sleepless time. I know that these situations are hard to handle and I am not sure how much I can expect from my wife. I also know that my mum has expectations towards me which could look abnormal for an outsider but I also feel that with distancing from them I abandon those who raised me to become who I am now at the biggest need.
"My Parents Arranged Our Marriage And Now They Hate My Wife"
In a similar but slightly different story, another anonymous Redditor opened up about how his wife's betrayal ruined their lives. The Reddit user named ThrowRA_hmrplz123 told the story of how his parents arranged his marriage to his wife soon after the couple immigrated to the United States so that he could become a doctor. Unfortunately, after spending a few years in the country, his wife's behavior began to change.
One day, as he was going through his phone at work, he discovered his wife's location by mistake, and he found out that she was in a motel. The Redditor drove to the motel only to discover that his wife was cheating on him. A few weeks later, the Redditor confronted his wife and found out that she wasn't who he thought she was. He then told the entire family what happened and filed for divorce, but unfortunately for him, the wife still kept the house and half his wealth.
An Overbearing Family Is A Marriage's Biggest Enemy
On Reddit, a user named PotentialJaguar91 pleaded with the JUSTNOMIL community and asked for help with his marriage after he realized his mother was destroying his marriage. After he married his wife, the user noticed that he had an unhealthy relationship with his mother.
PotentialJaguar91 told the community that his mother still tries to control his life and his wife hates her for it. There were several incidents where his mother emotionally blackmailed him into leaving his wife and child to spend time with her. Then one day, his wife had enough and left. The user said,
"I was shocked and started breaking down. I asked her why and she said that tonight was the final straw in a long list of things that I've always put my mother first. She said that she expected today of all days to be our one time together but even my mom is able to intervene on our wedding anniversary. I asked her what I could do, begged her to go to counseling. She is refusing. I asked her if there is someone else. She said the someone else is herself, and that it's time for her to start working on herself and stop worrying about me being able to put my mother first. She has since moved into the guest bedroom in our house and hasn't talked to me much this morning. I tried to kiss her on the way out to drop off our daughter before work and she just moved out of my way."
In situations where people are forced to choose between their partners and their family, relationships suffer. It's never an easy decision, but the best course of action often is to side with your partner.