September 18, 2021
Everyone believed I had a perfect life married to my handsome, charming, wealthy husband, but no one knew the truth.
I was the envy of every woman I knew, but if they had known the truth about my apparently perfect life, their thoughts would have been very different. I was hiding my unhappiness with a dazzling smile.
My husband of five years, Trevor, was a handsome, charming, wealthy man - our town's answer to a fairytale prince - but my life was a nightmare.
When I married Trevor at 23, straight out of college, I believed my life was going to be a dream come true. We were the most beautiful couple, we were in love, we had everything we could ever need, or so I thought.
It wasn't long before Trevor's true character started to reveal itself. On our honeymoon, he started frowning when I ordered something in a restaurant he didn't approve of.
Before long, I started glancing at Trevor to check his reaction before I even bought a souvenir, let alone order a drink. I found myself doing anything to avoid seeing that disapproving look, that disappointment.
It seemed that Trevor was disappointed and that I didn't quite live up to his expectations -- except in bed. Trevor was an eager lover, and I was afraid to deny him anything, anytime.
By the time we returned home I was living in a bewildered daze. What was happening to me? Why wasn't I happy? Why couldn't I make Trevor happy?
As it turned out, Trevor was wealthy but far from generous. I was given a minute allowance and had to account for every penny I spent. I couldn't get a job because Trevor had insisted that I give up any ideas of a career.
He wanted us to start a family straight away, so I stopped taking the pill. He even started taking my temperature throughout my cycle to pinpoint my ovulation, but month after month I failed to conceive.
Possessiveness and control are not love.
What neither Trevor nor anyone else knew was the relief I felt every month to discover I wasn't pregnant! I felt that a child would stitch me irrevocably into this life, leaving me no escape - and I wanted to escape from Trevor desperately.
I wanted to escape the constant phone calls during the day to find out what I was doing, where I was, and who I was with. The control of every cent I spent, the derisive look on Trevor's face when I begged to be allowed to go to work.
"Jen, baby, who on earth would want such a stupid employee?" Trevor would say. "You're decorative, honey, that's all!" The truth was that he wanted to control me completely.
As the years went by and the pregnancy he wanted failed to materialize, Trevor became bitter and even more unpleasant and verbally abusive. "You're barren!" he'd scream. "Useless!"
Once he even went so far as to raise his fists to me, then I saw a look of cunning come over his face. He lowered his hands. "You're nothing, Jen, a loser, not even a woman," he said. "I deserve better."
I found out he was having an affair, and somehow that gave me the courage to break away from him. "I'm leaving you," I told him calmly, "It's over!"
"You can't leave me!" I saw the panic in Trevor's eyes. "I love you!"
I shook my head. "No Trevor, you don't. You just love controlling me. Besides, I'm sure you'll quickly find someone better, what you deserve." I walked out of that marriage without a cent, and I didn't ask for anything in the divorce.
I found myself a job, and a small studio apartment, and best of all, I rediscovered my peace of mind and love for life. Unfortunately, no one understood why I was divorcing such a charming man!
Trevor's act had them all fooled. Even my mother turned against me for my decision. I guess only another woman who married Trevor would understand.
A few years later, I ran into Trevor and his newly pregnant wife at a party. She was so pretty, but there was this look in her eyes that I recognized. She was hiding her pain under a smile. I saw the way Trevor laid a possessive hand over her tummy and I thought, "Thank God that's not me!"
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