October 09, 2021
"After they got engaged, Alice approached me and said we needed to talk," wrote the daughter whose to-be stepmother instructed her how to dress up for her father's wedding ceremony. The girl refused to comply with the instructions and preferred not to attend the wedding.
Replacing your mother with another woman isn't easy, especially when your father starts dating another woman eight months after your mother's death. You need time to accept that your mother is no more there, and your father is looking for another life partner.
Stepmothers are usually readily accepted by kids who are in their early years. It gets complicated with teenagers and older children. A 15-year-old girl opened up about her father marrying a girl who was almost ten years older than her. She didn't like her stepmother since the first day.
A NEW WOMAN
ThrowRAcuriousgal opened up about her 42-year-old father marrying a 28-year-old girl named Alice. They got engaged and planned to get married soon. The girl confessed she didn't like Alice because her father started dating her eight months after her mother passed away.
Her father never forced her to build a good relationship with Alice, and neither is she interested in being friends with the OP (Original Poster). They have a respectful relationship, but they aren't close to each other like other mother-daughter relationships.
"After they got engaged, Alice approached me and said we needed to talk," wrote the OP. Her to-be stepmother had some strange instructions for her on how she should dress up for the wedding ceremony. She told her to cut her hair, wear light makeup, and banned her from wearing heels.
The girl wasn't expecting to hear such inflexible instructions. She agreed on wearing light makeup and flats, but cutting her hair was out of the question.
THE GIRL REFUSED
The OP refused to cut her hair because her mother helped her grow them long. She inherited her long and beautiful hair from her mother and wanted to keep them as a memory. This didn't sit well with Alice because she thought the OP wanted to look better than her at the wedding. The girl wrote:
"She then called me a selfish brat and told me she'll tell my dad about how I "disrespected her""
Alice only had instructions for her to-be stepdaughter and not any of the other female guests. The girl didn't feel comfortable about that and refused to cut her hair short.
Her father intervened and asked the OP to cut her hair because it would ultimately grow back, but the girl refused and said she would instead choose not to attend the wedding. She later felt guilty about saying that and considered cutting her hair short. Another Redditor told her not to cut her hair:
"Punishment haircuts are real, and it sounds like your TA step-mother just wants to hurt and humiliate you. Your Dad's a real TA too for supporting this ridiculous demand from a woman who is twice your age who hilariously thinks you're trying to upstage her."
The girl felt guilty about choosing her hair over attending the wedding because she knew her father would be upset if he didn't see her at the wedding. She also knew that it would take her a lot of time and effort to grow her hair back.
THE DAUGHTER IS EXCLUDED FROM THE ENTOURAGE
The OP also mentioned that she offered to tie her hair at the wedding ceremony so no one would notice the length, but Alice didn't like the idea. She excluded the OP from the entourage because she didn't agree to get a haircut. Another Redditor wrote:
"Punishment haircuts are also considered a form of abuse, power, and control tactics. This is a massive red flag. OP's dad is TA for not protecting them in this, and not being concerned about fiance's attempt to control/abuse their daughter."
The girl also understood why Alice wanted her not to wear heels. Alice was an inch shorter than the OP, and wearing heels would add a few more inches to her height. What was going on in Alice's mind?
OTHER REDDITORS HELPED HER
The girl was confused, so she asked other Redditors whether she should cut her hair or not. Most of them suggested not to listen to her stepmother. They said her stepmother was at fault because it seemed like she had other things going on in her mind. Another user wrote:
"NTA...Your body, your choice. If Alice is worried about being upstaged by a 15 year old girl, she's got bigger issues than hair style."
Cutting her hair meant the OP would have to let go of her mother's memory. Her long hair reminded her of her mother, so she wanted them to stay that way. According to research, hair grows about 6 inches every year, so the OP would have to wait a long time before her hair grew back to its original length.
What do you think? Should the girl accept her stepmother's instructions, or should she stick to her decision and miss the wedding? Leave a comment to let us know what you think about this story.
September 17, 2021