October 21, 2021

The 'Only' Person Who Didn't Send Condolences after Childhood Bully Passed Explains the Decision– Life Story

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After the sudden demise of her childhood bully, a 21-year-old Redditor decided not to post condolences on her social media page. While all of her friends expressed their sympathies, she had convincing reasons to remain silent.

Despite the continuous efforts to eradicate bullying, it still exists in many locker rooms and quiet hallways. A Redditor reveals she had fallen prey to a group of bullies in school.

She confessed that the bullying negatively affected her mental wellbeing well into her adulthood and admitted she hadn't met those people in three years but thinking about them sends a shiver down her spine. 

Source: Amomama


A Redditor named Partyintheusa__ shared why she decided not to send condolences after her school bully, Amanda, passed away. Before explaining her reasons, she mentioned that her friends often mingled with the group of people who bullied her.

She thought it wasn't her place to dictate what her friends chose to do. However, they didn't feel the same way when she decided to stay silent after Amanda passed. One of her friends stopped talking to her when she refused to write something for Amanda on her social media profile.

Amanda's profiles were flooded with posts from almost everyone from their old school. They shared their memories with her and wrote thoughtful messages, but OP did not want to.


A girl posting condolences for Amanda | Source: Unsplash

OP explained why she didn't post anything on Amanda's social media profiles saying, "her experiences with Amanda were not the fun and happy kind to talk about."


OP felt her friend was pretending to grieve Amanda's death.

She added that she and Amanda detested each other, so writing about how she is grieving would be an insult to both of them. She refused to lie about her feelings towards Amanda.

OP thinking about Amanda | Source: Unsplash


A few days later, OP's (Original Poster's) friend asked her what she was wearing to the funeral. When OP said she was not attending, she was infuriated.

She insisted the OP attend the funeral because they had a good time with Amanda at school. The OP reminded her that she never had a good time with her, and she had no reason to grieve her loss. 

OP felt her friend was pretending to grieve Amanda's death and pointed out that they hadn't seen each other in the last five years. She felt her friend was simply attending the funeral to look like a good friend. 

Amanda's funeral | Source: Unsplash


OP's friend insisted it was their duty to attend the funeral and console Amanda's family. However, OP thought her support wouldn't help them since they didn't know each other. OP explained that "If the roles were reversed, I would want my funeral to have nothing negative drudged into it." 

After the backlash from her friend, OP asked other Redditors if her decision was wrong. One user supported OP and told her she wasn't disrespecting anyone by not going to the funeral. Another user added:

"The idea that your friend thinks you should 'show respect' to someone in death, who didn't respect you while they were alive is very strange to me"


OP reading other users' comments | Source: Unsplash

Another Redditor highlighted that OP was being peer pressured and pointed out that her friend was bullying her into attending the funeral, and she shouldn't fall for it. 


A similar question surfaced on Quora, where a user shared that their high school bully suddenly passed away, and they didn't want to attend the funeral but felt it would be disrespectful. 

A user named Ted Lehmann answered the post saying that the OP should attend the funeral if they have forgiven their bully. He added that it's not nice to pretend that you are grieving someone's death when you are not.

The bully's tombstone | Source: Unsplash


Another Quora user named Michael Hunter shared that it's OK if you don't forgive your bully and decide not to attend their funeral because of past events. Most Reddit and Quora users felt it was right not to attend your bully's funeral.

If you enjoyed this story, you might like this one about a woman who talked about her friend's deceased daughter and received an unexpected message from her husband.