Mom Finally Co-living with Daughter after 16 Years, Now Wants to Kick Her Out

After 16 years apart, a mother-daughter duo reunited, yearning for connection. Yet, the daughter's peculiar habits strained their bond. Caught between the desire for closeness and the need for boundaries, the mother faced a daunting choice: jeopardize the newfound connection or maintain a careful distance.

On September 19, 2022, an anonymous female poster shared her story on the "AITA" subreddit. The woman, aged 37, became a mother while in college, giving birth to a daughter. Her parents, believing she was too young and financially unstable to raise the baby, took on the responsibility of parenting. With the absence of the child's father, the woman was thankful for her parents' support.

Despite being aware of her biological relationship, the daughter viewed the woman more as a sister than a mother. The woman made efforts to ensure her daughter's comfort and needs were met, but her parents' capable presence limited her role. Grateful for her parents' assistance, the woman accepted the boundaries in place.

The Conflict That Marred OP's Connection with Her Daughter

The conflict arose when the daughter, 16, came to stay at the woman's place two weeks before she posted her Reddit account intending to foster a mother-daughter bond. While the woman had longed for this connection, her daughter's presence was primarily at the behest of the woman's parents.

For those quick to judge her, the woman made a small clarification.

Although the daughter was generally pleasant, an irritating habit marred their interactions: she habitually left appliances and lights switched on in rooms she visited. Despite the woman's attempts to address the issue, the daughter dismissed her concerns with laughter, attributing her forgetfulness to a faulty memory and recounting similar incidents from other places.

A lingering suspicion crept within the woman, suggesting that her daughter's actions might be deliberate attempts to provoke her. Despite her daughter's tendency to leave lights on, the woman had no issue turning them off herself. However, her home was often filled with children, even though she had none besides her daughter.

Friends and neighbors frequently entrusted their kids to her care, a responsibility she embraced wholeheartedly. The breaking point occurred when her daughter went out with friends and left the electric iron switched on. Only when a neighbor's child, a ten-year-old girl, alerted her to the hot iron did the woman discover the potential danger.

Enraged, she confronted her daughter, emphasizing the risks involved: children might tamper with sockets, and the iron posed a serious fire hazard. Despite the stern warning, her daughter's assurances proved hollow when she repeated the mistake the following morning.

The initial plan had been for the daughter to stay for two months, but only two weeks had passed, and the woman was already having second thoughts. Struggling with her daughter's behavior, she contemplated sending her back to her parents' home and imposing a ban despite the potential implications for their budding relationship.

Seeking advice from a friend, the woman grappled with a difficult question: would she be in the wrong if she decided to send her daughter away and enforce strict boundaries, risking the fragile opportunity for bonding in the process?

For those quick to judge her, the woman made a small clarification. "[Info] for those calling me a bad mother for giving her away. I did not choose this. They took her," she noted. A court case decided her parents were better equipped to raise the child due to financial stability while she was still in college.

Despite this challenging circumstance, her parents proved to be excellent grandparents, granting her limited opportunities to meet her daughter, including a stay when she turned 11. The perplexing issue of her daughter's forgetfulness with appliances and lights seemed confined to the woman's home, adding a layer of complexity to an already delicate situation.

A Much-Needed Conversation

In a heartfelt update, the woman expressed gratitude for the insightful comments and advice she received. Acknowledging the potential mistake she narrowly avoided, she accepted the judgments passed and took responsibility for her thoughts, relieved they hadn't materialized into impulsive actions.

Following a candid conversation with her daughter, the woman laid bare her emotions and concerns. Her daughter, in turn, admitted to not fully viewing her as a mother due to their distant relationship, rooted in the initial sisterly connection. The woman explained:

"She didn't say much but she admitted she doesn't really see me as a mother since she knew me as a distant sister first so she didn't know what to do when her grandparents asked her to come over. She's not ready to call me mom yet. She doesn't think she ever will and she assumed I would expect her to."

Moreover, the daughter voiced her discomfort regarding her mom's closeness with other children, feeling deprived of the same freedom. In light of this, the woman resolved to face the challenges ahead, understanding the complexity of their relationship.

She committed to making her daughter feel cherished and accepted, vowing to strike a balance between setting boundaries and easing the tension. While her daughter didn't promise similar changes, she did pledge to refrain from actions that could potentially cause harm, marking a significant step toward understanding and reconciliation.

Comments from Readers

Do you think OP was wrong for wanting to kick out her daughter because she forgot to switch off the lights and appliances? Should she have been a little more lenient, given the pair had finally come close to the prospect of co-living after 16 years? Click here to read another story about a teen girl who chose to live with her father over her mother after her dad cheated on her mom.