Have I Overstepped with My Gifts for My Fiancé’s Family?

In a thoughtful gesture, a woman sought to convey her appreciation to her fiancé's family by carefully selecting Christmas gifts she hoped they would love. Even her fiancé thought the presents would be warmly received. However, on Christmas Day, the soon-to-be in-laws caught her off guard with their unforeseen reaction.

On December 30, 2022, an anonymous female contributor turned to the "AITA" subreddit to share her story. Engaged to her fiancé, Noah, the woman spent her first Christmas with his family after moving to be closer to them following Noah's college graduation.

Set to marry in February and expecting their first child in May, the woman, lacking a family of her own, tried to express her gratitude to Noah's close-knit family through carefully chosen gifts.

OP's Christmas Presents for Noah's Family

Wanting to ensure each person received something they would love, the Original Poster crafted a book sleeve for one sister adorned with details from her favorite books and created clothes for another niece's stuffed animal, aware of her being on the spectrum.

This revelation left OP feeling distressed and prompted her to offer sincere apologies during their next encounter.

Recognizing Noah's mom's desire for a real jewelry box, OP selected one she had previously admired. For his dad, she purchased a spacious office frame capable of holding family photos, addressing his longstanding complaint of not finding one large or elegant enough to hold family photos. She filled it with images provided by Noah.

OP bought Noah's other sister her favorite makeup, alleviating her recent budget constraints. Additionally, she gave Noah's brother a signed piece of memorabilia from his favorite sports. For the remaining nieces and nephews, she fulfilled wish list items their parents had not yet acquired.

How Did Noah's Family React?

Despite Noah's assurance that his family would love the carefully selected gifts, OP noticed a shift in atmosphere on Christmas Day. Though Noah had suggested that her efforts weren't necessary, emphasizing the extensive time and effort she had invested in tracking down specific items, OP couldn't shake the feeling that something was amiss during the celebration.

"I spent the whole time worrying that I had bought them stuff they didn't like anymore or something. They said nothing. But then the next day they asked Noah what the hell I was thinking and I was like some kind of stalker buying them such personal stuff when I'm an almost stranger to them," said OP of Noah's family's reaction.

This revelation left OP feeling distressed and prompted her to offer sincere apologies during their next encounter. However, her attempts to make amends were futile. "One of [Noah's] [sisters] called me a stalker to my face and told me it was no wonder my family didn't want me if I was so creepy to do stuff like that," OP recalled.

Noah intervened, defending his fiancée and expressing his disagreement with his family's reaction. "I apologized again and told them I didn't want to hurt anyone and I would learn from this. They told me I had overstepped," added OP.

Noah insisted that his fiancée had done nothing to warrant such harsh criticism and even asserted that an apology was owed to her. The emotional turmoil left OP grappling with the question of whether she should seek external opinions on her actions. Despite Noah's reassurances, the lingering sense of offense from his family made her ponder if she was the one at fault.

OP's Dilemma

Adding a layer to the complexity, OP revealed her difficult upbringing, growing up in an unhappy home with unkind parents and a strained relationship with her older sister. Her sister's animosity seemed to stem from their shared experiences with their parents, leading to OP being left with no familial support by the age of 16 and experiencing homelessness for a significant period.

The additional context sheds light on OP's eagerness to establish a connection with Noah's close-knit family. Despite having spoken with them on the phone, she had only met them in person recently due to the challenges posed by COVID-19 and living in different cities at the time. Their familial dynamics were reportedly harmonious before these events unfolded.

Adding further context, OP clarified that she had met Noah's family in person before Christmas, multiple times since the summer, contrary to a previous impression. She also emphasized that her intention was not to cause discomfort or make anyone feel bad. In response to inquiries, she mentioned that the family did not return the gifts but instead gave her gift cards.

Expressing gratitude for the support and comments received, OP acknowledged her ongoing journey of self-improvement and building confidence through therapy. Despite varying opinions, she recognized her lack of experience in a family setting during Christmas and vowed not to overextend or apologize excessively.

OP noted Noah's plan to address the situation with his family once he calmed down, highlighting his readiness to reconsider their relationship if apologies were not offered.

The Online Reaction

What do you think of this story? Do you feel OP's gifts for her fiancé's family were too personal, or was she unfairly held accountable for her kind gesture?

Click here to read another story about a woman whose sister-in-law despised their Christmas gifts and sent a demanding wishlist to the entire family that year.