I Excluded My Whole Family from My Wedding after I Overheard My Mom’s Call – Did I Cross the Line?

A woman lived a life her family did not support. She overheard her family saying unsettling things about her and contemplated excluding them from her wedding.

Sometimes, choosing to lead a different life from your family can leave you isolated, which was the case for this Reddit user. To give her story a bit more context, the Original Poster (OP) explained her family dynamic and her relationship with her cousin Marie.

She mentioned that her mother was one of 14 children and moved to America with her family when she was seven or eight. They came from a conservative and religious background, so much so that most of the aunts and uncles only married people from their home country.

The OP and her cousin were close as they were the only girls in their generation. The cousins were only two years apart and got all the princess treatment from the rest of the family. They each had their own special talents. Marie was a talented dancer, but Redditor always knew she was the golden child. Marie was tall, slender, and had lighter hair and skin than the OP.

Regardless of this, the OP was also gifted with a singing voice. Her father took her singing classes, where she made new friends and was introduced to punk music. The OP ended up joining a punk band. "For the first time in my life, I was making friends outside of my cousins and church, and I was really having fun," she expressed.

The Redditor started changing her appearance. She got tattoos and face piercings and developed a more alternative style. She loved that she had found a group of people who did not judge her, and she loved the music scene.

However, Marie's father started telling her daughter not to hang out with the OP because he associated her style with drugs, alcohol, and atheism. Eventually, the distance between them grew, and they stopped talking.

A few years later, the OP heard that Marie had gotten married and had three children. The Redditor also moved on with her life, got married, and had one child. But the cousins both sadly ended up in abusive marriages.

Marie announced to the family that she was divorcing her husband, which was a shocker to everyone, and opened up about the abuse. The OP did the same about a year later and also spoke about her painful experiences.

When the COVID-19 pandemic hit, the Redditor's mother would spend a lot of time on Zoom with her siblings. They would have weekly catch-ups, and one week; the mother told the OP that Marie had met a new partner. Things between Marie and her partner got serious and the two got married.

At the time, the Redditor had also started a new relationship but did not mention it because she did not want it to seem like she was stealing Marie's spotlight. About two months down the line, the OP excitedly told her mother about her new partner.

She thought she would share the good news with her siblings in one of the weekly calls, but instead, she advised that they keep the OP's relationship a secret because the rest of the family might believe that she deserved what happened to her in her previous marriage.

In other words, the OP's mother was insinuating that her family believed the OP's alternative lifestyle led to her abusive relationship. This extremely hurt the Redditor.

One day, she overheard a conversation between her mother and her siblings that would cut even deeper. "...they insinuated that my "alternative lifestyle" brought me to that point, that my piercings and tattoos, plus leaving the church, made me inappropriately masculine, and I was essentially being punished by God when my ex-husband was abusing me, that I was not submissive enough," she wrote.

When the siblings were saying this, the OP did not hear her mother defend her, which hurt her even more. The Redditor and her partner got engaged, and now she's contemplating not inviting her family to the wedding because of everything they said.

On the other hand, her mother believes she's being unfair and should just forgive them. However, the OP emphasized that she did not want the people who thought she deserved to be abused to come to her wedding. Still, she had the whole family angry at her.

The readers had different opinions and took the Redditor's side. Commenters believed the OP was right not to want her family at her wedding, especially if they were judging her and her lifestyle.

Other Redditors believed the family had no remorse and only wanted to attend the wedding because it would reflect badly on them if they did not. "They've chosen to be terrible people. Let them face the consequences of their actions. Frankly, I don't think you'll miss them," added a netizen.

If you enjoyed this, click here to read about why these people had to cancel their weddings at the last minute.