My Fiancé Makes Me Pay For His Friend Every Time We Go Out – This Time I Taught Him a Lesson

When the lines between empathy and obligation blur, personal stories emerge that challenge our perceptions of responsibility and support. One woman's experience, shared publicly, brings this dilemma into sharp focus.

In September 2022, a woman aired her grievances about her fiancé on Reddit, thrusting her personal life into the public eye. The Original Poster (OP), a 28-year-old woman, found herself entangled in a financial predicament involving her 30-year-old fiancé, Jack, and his friend, Steve, a 33-year-old cancer survivor.

OP explained that her husband-to-be had been there for his friend throughout his cancer journey, adding, "Steve started going out and socializing again which [is] great!" However, Jack's insistence that OP bear the cost of Steve's expenses, citing his friend's past illness and financial struggles as justification, became a recurrent theme in their interactions.

"Whenever we go out, Jack expects me to pay for Steve's meals or drinks, using the excuse, 'he had cancer, show some empathy'," OP recounted.

This expectation extended beyond dining to include other purchases, creating a significant strain on OP. Despite initially acquiescing, OP's tolerance waned, culminating in a refusal to continue this pattern of spending.

"We went to an electronics shop one time and Jack told me to pay for Steve's purchases because 'he's had cancer,' I sucked it up once and twice but then told him I couldn't do it anymore," OP revealed.

A confrontation ensued at a restaurant when OP was prompted to pay for Steve's meal, leading to a stark refusal and a subsequent argument with Jack.

When OP was ready to pay the bill, Jack gestured for her to pay for Steve's meal too. She tried to act like she did not know why she should be the one paying and asked Jack right then. "Jack obviously didn't [want to] say 'because he had cancer and is struggling' out loud and in front of Steve so he asked me to step outside so we could talk," OP explained.

OP refused to go outside and told him there was nothing to talk about. She mentioned that Steve having cancer was unfortunate but that it was not her responsibility to pay for his bills. After that, she only paid for their lunch and left the establishment.

As she was leaving, she overheard Jack profusely apologizing to Steve. After that encounter, he did not come home and sent her hurtful texts.

Jack's response, conveyed through text messages, was to chastise OP, branding her actions as "unhinged, petty, selfish, and shortsighted."

He mentioned the importance of kindness, suggesting that OP's refusal to pay was an overreaction. In contrast, OP maintained that Steve's financial situation was not her burden to bear.

She told her spouse that if he wanted her to pay for Steve so much then he should be the one paying for him. The narrative took a turn when OP decided to share her ordeal on social media. Normally private about her personal life, OP felt compelled to seek the opinions of others on her decision to stand up to her fiancé's demands.

This move brought her story to the forefront, sparking discussions on the boundaries of empathy, the responsibilities within relationships, and the importance of mutual respect and understanding. OP questioned her decision to stand firm against her fiancé's demands, inviting the Reddit community to weigh in on her actions.

"Was I right to leave my fiancé at the restaurant, not paying for his friend?" she asked, seeking validation and perspective from others. She invited the Reddit community to weigh in on her actions, seeking validation or critique of her stand against what she perceived as an unfair expectation.

In the comments section, one Redditor asked OP why her fiancé was not the one paying for his friend. She answered, "He promised to pay everything back once he starts working, he even carries a small notebook to write down what stuff I paid for and how much I paid. No, I didn't pressure him to pay me back but he's insisting saying that he can't bring himself to let me, a woman pay for his needs."

Was OP right to leave her fiancé at the restaurant without paying for his friend? What would you do in OP's position?

Read more about a woman who shared that her boyfriend pretended to have forgotten his credit card every time they went out to eat, leaving her to foot the bill each time.