My Husband's Ex-wife Is Using Her Health Condition to Stay the Main Character in Our Lives

One woman had to navigate her husband's past relationship that was intertwined with their present one because of the children born from the previous bond. The ex-wife manipulated her former husband, trying to get the same benefits she got while they were married until the current spouse spoke up!

For a 32-year-old woman married to a 40-year-old man, the challenges of a union with someone who was once married and shares two children were evident. Things took an unexpected turn when the original poster's (OP) husband's ex-wife began using her health condition as a means to remain central in their lives.

The Reddit user shared her story about the intricate dance between showing compassion and maintaining personal boundaries. "Initially, she showed some petty behavior, but nothing major," she explained, recalling the ex-wife's early attempts to undermine her relationship. However, as the ex-wife's health declined, so did the subtlety of her intrusions.

Diagnosed with Multiple Sclerosis (MS) a year ago, the ex-wife's condition became a battleground of sympathy, manipulation, and unspoken expectations. The married woman recounted:

"She's been unwell lately, not managing her health effectively and has been using her condition to collect sympathy points from my husband."

The ex-wife's requests ranged from expecting OP's husband to be there to attend doctor's appointments to suggesting she sell her house to build a tiny home for herself and her two children on the property – a proposal that left the Redditor flabbergasted.

"I couldn’t understand why I needed to sell my house to accommodate her," she said, voicing a sentiment many can empathize with. The suggestion threatened her sense of security and her plans for the future, with her firmly stating:

"My house was an investment that I plan to one day pass it on to my child as an asset."

The woman's resolve to stand her ground is not without its emotional toll. Accusations of selfishness from in-laws and the silent ambivalence of her husband added layers of frustration and doubt. Yet, it was the ex-wife's manipulation, veiled as vulnerability, that pushed her to the brink.

After getting some advice from readers, OP spoke to her husband and called him out for his lack of support. He explained his fears of not being allowed to see his children again, as his ex-wife had threatened to keep them away from him.

OP demanded he call his ex-wife, who happens to have a boyfriend, and put her in her place. The husband obliged and told his ex he wasn't going to be a placeholder for her boyfriend and urged her to stop trying to manipulate everyone.

The woman reacted by calling OP insecure, blaming her for interfering with her and her ex-husband's "healthy" co-parenting relationship. She accused the Redditor of being immature and young and insisted that the children should be considered.

The woman, who lives 20 minutes away from the couple, said she knew "this would happen one day." "She needs to get off her lazy ass and take care of herself and her kids and stop freeloading off everyone," OP declared in a moment of confrontation, noting how her husband's ex hadn't worked for 15 years.

The Reddit user encouraged the woman to focus her attention on her current relationship because OP and her spouse are pulling back effective immediately. The woman began crying, claiming she was feeling sickly and needed an emergency room visit, before ending the conversation "to protect herself and her health."

The husband's ex hung up on the couple and blocked them before they could outline all their boundaries. OP was livid and replied by writing out an email, sending it to her husband's ex and anyone else involved in the matter. She reflected on her journey, and her message is clear:

"I’m really tired of his ex and don’t think she should be the main character in our lives anymore."

Some comments OP received from fellow Redditors blamed her husband for not stepping up. One person called OP's situation "extremely weird" and said her husband needed to be completely on her side and shut his ex down, adding,

"Otherwise, he's in on it, and you really need to look at this as a you vs. everyone else problem. NTA for not wanting to help your husband's ex. Any family members who call you selfish can step up and take care of her."

Another reader thought the husband failing to share his opinion meant he agreed with his ex and that she was attached to him because he enabled her. The person felt the husband should've drawn a boundary line the first time his ex-wife asked for a ride or for him to accompany her to her doctor's appointment, stating,

"Please sit down with your husband and make it clear that not only are you not going to sell your house or take care of his ex in any way, but if he continues to do so, then you will be filing for divorce."

The Reddit user also urged OP to check her husband's phone to ensure he wasn't having a physical or emotional affair with his ex. A third person thought if the husband's ex wasn't well enough to take care of their children, then custody should be transferred to him, adding,

"I'm guessing the real reason is that she doesn't want to start paying child support to your husband and lose whatever he's currently paying her."

The reader believed OP's problem was her husband, and her in-laws shouldn't have a say about her property. Someone else couldn't believe that OP's husband wasn't sleeping with his ex and encouraged her to remind him he's married to her and not the mother of his children.

The person noted how the husband behaved like he was still married to his ex. The Redditor warned OP about the ex draining their funds and that she was picking up the slack for her husband's behavior.

OP's situation is a sentiment that resonates with many who find themselves in similar situations, where the past refuses to stay in the background, and the present demands a reassertion of self. Her story offers readers a glimpse into the emotional and ethical dilemmas many in blended families face. It underscores the importance of communication, boundaries, and the courage to prioritize one's peace and stability in the face of challenging dynamics.

If you enjoyed that story, click here to read about that manipulative ex-wife, then you'll love this one about an ex-husband who had to put his foot down when his ex tried using their children for an ulterior motive.