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A couple standing back-to-back after having an argument | Source: Getty Images
A couple standing back-to-back after having an argument | Source: Getty Images

I Got Fed up with My Husband Belittling My Body and Gave Him What He Deserved

Junie Sihlangu
Mar 29, 2024
10:05 A.M.

I thought I had the perfect marriage with my husband, and when we conceived, I believed things were only going to get better, but BOY, was I wrong! After I gave birth, he started judging me because of my weight gain, but he didn't expect how I reacted.

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A pregnant woman holding her belly | Source: Shutterstock

A pregnant woman holding her belly | Source: Shutterstock

After having my first baby, I, Laura, 32, found myself struggling a lot and lost in a sea of change, both physically and emotionally. What I battled with the most was losing the baby weight and adjusting to being a parent.

While I silently battled my demons and tried working on myself, my husband of ten years, Matthew, 36, started making derogatory comments about my body and how I should start working out and wearing makeup again.

A pregnant woman looking depressed and exhausted | Source: Shutterstock

A pregnant woman looking depressed and exhausted | Source: Shutterstock

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I honestly wasn't trying to be neglectful about my looks, but any woman with a newborn baby will tell you that the child's needs come first, and yours are somewhere between second and last.

A woman kissing a baby | Source: Shutterstock

A woman kissing a baby | Source: Shutterstock

Matthew seemed so concerned about my looks that he even suggested that his sister could fill in on some days to look after our baby while I went to the gym.

I found his suggestion offensive as I wanted to be a present and committed mother, especially during the first few months and years of our daughter's life.

An exhausted woman cradling a baby | Source: Shutterstock

An exhausted woman cradling a baby | Source: Shutterstock

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"It wouldn't kill you, you know?" Matthew insisted. "Where does that leave our relationship if your focus is more on the baby than us."

I wouldn't hear anything about it, but then months went by without any hugs, kisses, romance, or any kind of affection from my formerly loving husband. My self-esteem hit rock bottom, and it was like he found me disgusting to look at and be around.

I was so worried about losing him, and I desperately wanted to win him back, so I started to work out at home.

A woman exercising with her child on her back | Source: Shutterstock

A woman exercising with her child on her back | Source: Shutterstock

I ate healthily and started taking care of myself and lo' and behold, I lost a ton of weight and began feeling amazing!

Suddenly, my husband started touching me, kissing me, buying me flowers, and treating me like the complete opposite of how he'd treated me before!

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You'd think that would make me feel better, but for some reason, it made me feel worse!

An unhappy and emotional woman staring at the floor | Source: Shutterstock

An unhappy and emotional woman staring at the floor | Source: Shutterstock

But instead, I finally had my self-esteem back, and I decided to ask myself some difficult questions. "Why was I settling for someone who didn't show me love and care when I was at my weakest?"

"Why didn't Matthew love me for who I was and not what I looked like?"

Instead of finding answers to my questions, I actually became quite angry with myself, but mostly with my husband!

A man trying to reason with a woman | Source: Shutterstock

A man trying to reason with a woman | Source: Shutterstock

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Suddenly, I decided to confront Matthew about his hurtful remarks regarding my appearance. One day after he came back from work, I took the bull by the horns.

"Matthew, do you remember what you said to me three months after I gave birth?" I asked one evening, the silence between us heavy with anticipation.

He shifted uncomfortably, avoiding my gaze. "I... I might have made some comments," he admitted reluctantly.

"Some comments?" My voice rose, fueled by a mixture of hurt and anger. "You told me I still looked pregnant, Matthew! Do you have any idea how that made me feel?"

A couple having a heated disagreement | Source: Shutterstock

A couple having a heated disagreement | Source: Shutterstock

He sighed, a sound of resignation rather than understanding. "I was just... concerned about your health," he mumbled, but the excuse sounded feeble even to his ears.

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"Concerned?" I echoed, disbelief coloring my tone. "Or was it that you couldn't bear the sight of me not fitting into your ideal anymore?"

An upset woman shouting at a man | Source: Shutterstock

An upset woman shouting at a man | Source: Shutterstock

Our conversations escalated from there, revealing the depth of my hurt and his apparent indifference. His apologies felt hollow, his promises to change, empty. The man I once loved seemed like a stranger, valuing my appearance over the shared life we had built.

Determined to reclaim my sense of self, I focused even more on a personal transformation, not for him but for me. The change was remarkable! Matthew tried being even more affectionate than before, and the apologies continued.

Yet, his change of heart felt like a betrayal.

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A man apologizing while a woman looks disheartened | Source: Shutterstock

A man apologizing while a woman looks disheartened | Source: Shutterstock

I felt like he didn't fully comprehend the distress he'd caused me, so I decided to try and make him understand.

"Why now, Matthew?" I demanded, confronting him with his newfound attention. "Why is your love conditional on how I look?"

He struggled to answer, his usual confidence replaced by a noticeable discomfort. "I... I don't know, Laura. I guess I just missed us."

"Us?" I laughed bitterly. "Or did you miss the version of me that fit your standards?"

An angry woman shouting | Source: Shutterstock

An angry woman shouting | Source: Shutterstock

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"Look, you wouldn't understand what it's like to be a hot-blooded man," he replied, leaving me shocked.

"I tried to get you to the gym so we wouldn't get here, but you didn't listen," he added.

I was so angry, I didn't even know what to say. This was not the man I fell in love with! This was a sexist, disgusting excuse for a husband!

An upset couple sitting in the background with divorce papers and their rings on a table | Source: Shutterstock

An upset couple sitting in the background with divorce papers and their rings on a table | Source: Shutterstock

It was then I realized that no amount of physical change could mend the emotional rift between us. My decision to divorce wasn't made lightly, especially considering our daughter, but it was necessary for my well-being.

"You're making a mistake, Laura," Matthew pleaded, his voice cracking with emotion.

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"Please, I can change! I know I can!"

But it was too late. I had already seen the truth of our marriage, a love conditioned upon superficial standards. As I walked away from him, my heart heavy but my resolve firm, I knew I was making the right decision for myself and my daughter.

A man looking sad while a woman walks away | Source: Shutterstock

A man looking sad while a woman walks away | Source: Shutterstock

Now, as I share my story, I wonder about the paths others might have chosen to take in my situation. If faced with conditional love, would you stay and fight for it, hoping for change, or would you take a stand for your worth and happiness, even if it means walking away?

What would you do if you were me?

A woman holding a phone while looking thoughtful | Source: Shutterstock

A woman holding a phone while looking thoughtful | Source: Shutterstock

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In the following tale, the husband doesn't berate his pregnant wife but leaves her for another woman! Read on:

Gwen's life took a dramatic turn when her husband, Richard, declared his love for another woman, Amelia, and decided to leave her—especially harrowing as she was heavily pregnant! His shocking revelation included his ongoing feelings for Amelia since before their marriage, his lack of desire to be a husband or father, and the support he had from his family, leaving Gwen devastated and alone.

A sad pregnant woman crying in the street | Source: Shutterstock

A sad pregnant woman crying in the street | Source: Shutterstock

Richard's subsequent departure not only signified the loss of her spouse but also the family she had come to consider her own. In the aftermath, Stephanie, Gwen's next-door neighbor and friend, stepped in, offering support and a place to stay.

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A pregnant woman looking through a bag of baby clothes | Source: Shutterstock

A pregnant woman looking through a bag of baby clothes | Source: Shutterstock

They discovered the next day that Richard had taken most of their possessions, leaving Gwen with very little. Despite the initial despair, the community rallied around the abandoned woman, offering practical help and emotional support.

A heavily pregnant woman getting help from a man to enter a car | Source: Shutterstock

A heavily pregnant woman getting help from a man to enter a car | Source: Shutterstock

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Neighbors contributed baby essentials, furniture, and even legal assistance for the impending divorce, showcasing a collective generosity that was both heartwarming and vital for Gwen's recovery. This story of betrayal, resilience, and community support encapsulates the complexity of human relationships and the power of communal aid in times of personal crisis.

A pregnant woman showing her friend an ultrasound photo | Source: Shutterstock

A pregnant woman showing her friend an ultrasound photo | Source: Shutterstock

Gwen's journey from despair to a supported, hopeful future highlights the unpredictability of life and the strength found in kindness and solidarity.

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