I am in a serious relationship with a guy who isn’t interested in marrying me

Manuela Cardiga
Apr 12, 2018
02:29 P.M.

Dear AmoMama,


I am very divided as to what I should do to resolve my love life. My boyfriend and I have been dating for over 10 years now, and we practically live together. My boyfriend sleeps over every night, though he insists on keeping his own place.

The truth is that he has serious commitment issues, and though I know he loves me he seems incapable of taking things to the next level. I am now 35, and time is running out for me, and I want a family.

I love this man so much, and I know he loves me. He has always been 100% honest with me, and he told me he does not want to get married - ever - but he wants to be with me forever.

Ten years ago I thought this was very romantic, but now I realize I want more. I want the wedding of my dreams, and I know that if I was to fall pregnant I could force his hand, pressure him into marrying me.

My boyfriend loves children, and he dotes on his niece and nephews as if they were his own. I think the reason he has never asked me to have his child is that he knows I would not want to have it out of wedlock.

Lately, I have been thinking about stopping the Pill, but not telling him, falling pregnant 'accidentally.' While I know this will bring me what I want, I'm also feeling very frightened.


The idea of trapping him, manipulating him and lying leaves me feeling literally nauseous. I think somehow I will gain what I want, yet lose his respect. And my own.

I want his baby, and I want him to marry me. But I know I can only have that if I trap him and I am afraid that if I do it I will lose his love.

My alternative is to walk away from him, find someone else to have the family I crave with; but then I lose him anyway. What can I do?

Do I trap the man I love and use our child to force him to a commitment he does not want? Do I walk away and look for a new love and a new life? I'm so confused, every way I look at it I lose.

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