My husband lost the use of his legs, now he blames me and beats me

Dear AmoMama,

I don't know what to do, and I don't know how much longer I can stand this pain. My husband is making my life a living hell and I am trapped in a nightmare.

My husband was in a car accident three years ago and lost the use of his legs. He was in the hospital for a long time in recovery and therapy, and that was when it all started. He'd always been a difficult, controlling man, but after his injury he became paranoid.

When I visited him in hospital, he would grab me and ask if I was leaving to go be with another man, and I used to have huge bruises on my arms all the time. He would shout and say he could smell another man on me.

When they sent him home, I thought things would get better, but it actually got worse. I can't leave the house without his approval, and he insists I have my cell phone on all the time so he can hear what I am doing and what I am saying.

He needs help bathing and changing his catheter, and with his bowel movements. At those times I am forced to be close to him, and that is when he hurts me. He punches my stomach and my thighs and my arms, so no-one can see my bruises, and sometimes I can hardly move from the pain. He was always a big, powerful man, but now his shoulders are bigger, and his arms even stronger.

Last night I was changing his diaper and he threw me against the wall, and I had to go to the ER to have my forehead stitched. The nurse asked what had happened and I lied, but I think they know by now when a woman lies? So she gave me a card with the contact of a support group.

I sat in the car just looking at it and I cried. I don't know what to do. If I leave him, how will he cope? And if I tell someone in a hospital or go to the police, what will they do? He is a sick man in a wheelchair. If I stay I am afraid one of these days he will kill me.

I don't know what I can do to escape the horror my life has become. No-one knows what I am going through, no-one can help me. Please help me, what can I do to free myself when he can't survive without me?

If you need help or advice, reach out to us, and thousands of women just like you who are struggling with the difficulties of life. You are not alone, we are here for you, and we listen; so write to us anonymously using this form.