My husband demands that I hand over my pay-check every month
I got married two years ago, and at that time I was still finishing my diploma as a physiotherapist, so I wasn't working. My husband was very supportive, and I worked hard to finish my course and got a good job at a private clinic.
When I got my first salary three months ago, I went out and got my husband a camera I know he has always wanted, as a thank you for all he had done for me. To my surprise, he was very upset. He told me the camera was a foolish extravagance, and he needed me to help out and said I should give him my pay-check.
I was confused because he earns quite a lot, though he is very frugal. I wanted to use my money to buy some extras, little luxuries we'd been denying ourselves because I was still a student.
I told him I would pay half the bills, of course, but would prefer to manage my own money. He went ballistic, called me selfish and ungrateful and a spendthrift.
This has now become a massive problem. I cannot believe my marriage is falling apart over this. We were always so happy, so content with our lives. We spoke about buying a house one day, raising a family, now all my husband ever does is obsess about money.
If I buy a t-shirt or a pair of shoes he has a meltdown, says I am blowing away our future on my vanity. He was always very careful with money, but now I am starting to think that this is a sickly compulsion.
We are having constant quarrels over my refusal to hand over all my money so he can 'save' it. I have asked him to come to therapy, but he says it's a waste of money, that I am just being childish and stubborn.
I don't know what to do. If I give in, I have no autonomy, I will depend on him for lunch-money like a child; if I continue to refuse, my marriage will be over. Can someone please advise me?
If you need help or advice, reach out to us, and thousands of women just like you who are struggling with the difficulties of life. You are not alone, we are here for you, and we listen; so write to us anonymously using this form