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My husband demands that I hand over my pay-check every month

Ksenia Novikova
Jun 19, 2018
03:26 P.M.

Dear AmoMama,

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I got married two years ago, and at that time I was still finishing my diploma as a physiotherapist, so I wasn't working. My husband was very supportive, and I worked hard to finish my course and got a good job at a private clinic.

When I got my first salary three months ago, I went out and got my husband a camera I know he has always wanted, as a thank you for all he had done for me. To my surprise, he was very upset. He told me the camera was a foolish extravagance, and he needed me to help out and said I should give him my pay-check.

I was confused because he earns quite a lot, though he is very frugal. I wanted to use my money to buy some extras, little luxuries we'd been denying ourselves because I was still a student.

I told him I would pay half the bills, of course, but would prefer to manage my own money. He went ballistic, called me selfish and ungrateful and a spendthrift.

This has now become a massive problem. I cannot believe my marriage is falling apart over this. We were always so happy, so content with our lives. We spoke about buying a house one day, raising a family, now all my husband ever does is obsess about money.

If I buy a t-shirt or a pair of shoes he has a meltdown, says I am blowing away our future on my vanity. He was always very careful with money, but now I am starting to think that this is a sickly compulsion.

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We are having constant quarrels over my refusal to hand over all my money so he can 'save' it. I have asked him to come to therapy, but he says it's a waste of money, that I am just being childish and stubborn.

I don't know what to do. If I give in, I have no autonomy, I will depend on him for lunch-money like a child; if I continue to refuse, my marriage will be over. Can someone please advise me?

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