About AM

August 07, 2018

I was a victim once and yesterday I watched my son hit his own wife

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Dear AmoMama,

I once read a phrase: Violence is a contagious disease, but I never thought it would infect my family.

I married very young, and my husband was a very assertive man, and sometimes he'd lose his temper, and then he'd hit me. At first, it was just a slap, and he'd start crying and telling me he was sorry and that he loved me.

When my son was born, it got worse. I started getting his fists, and when I fell he'd kick me. It was as if the baby gave him power over me. 

I lived in this nightmare for 12 years, until he died in a car accident. From then on, my life was transformed and I raised my boy on my own, with love and kindness and tenderness.

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My son made me proud, he has a great job, married a lovely girl and three months ago they gave me a granddaughter. I couldn't have been happier, or more deceived.

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Last night I went to their place to have dinner and spend some time with my grandbaby. My daughter-in-law had everything spik and span and a lovely dinner all ready and we were laughing and chatting. 

My son arrived, and we were in the kitchen making a salad, so he kissed me and his wife too, and asked about the baby.

So she said: "Hun, she's fine but I think she did a poo, so why don't you change her while we finish up dinner?"

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He just exploded. He hit her across the face and started screaming that he wasn't her bitch, that he put food on the table and she'd better mind.

It was like stepping back into my past. I started screaming at him to stop it and he turned towards me with his fist up and for a second I thought he would hit me too. He looked like his father. 

How did my beloved sweet boy become this violent man? He started excusing himself, saying he was stressed and that "she" pushed him over the edge, and it was "her"  fault for not being a proper wife. 

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I just shut up, because I realized that if I pushed him, my poor daughter in law would get the worse of it once I was gone.

I see myself in this poor girl, I see my dead husband in my boy - and I don't know how to fix it. Maybe it's my fault. He learned this by watching how his father treated me.

I was thinking of speaking to him alone, advising him to look for help. But what if he refuses? Do I offer my daughter-in-law help so she can leave him? Take my grandbaby away so she doesn't grow up thinking this is right? Please, I need some advice.

If you need help or advice, reach out to us, and thousands of women just like you who are struggling with the difficulties of life. You are not alone, we are here for you, and we listen; so write to us anonymously using this form.

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