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August 15, 2018

I am at death's door but my husband ignores my pain

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Dear AmoMama,

I am 36 years old and I was diagnosed with an inoperable tumor six months ago. I was already in Stage 4, and the treatments have not halted the progression of my disease.

My husband has not accepted my disease. When I told him after my diagnosis he just refused to listen.

My mother has been the one going with me to the doctor, the treatments, the scans. He just pretends none of it is happening.

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If I raise the subject he talks over me, starts talking faster and faster, frantic not to hear what I am saying. I spoke to my therapist and she says he needs help, he needs to face reality.

My doctors have told me I have a few months at the most, and I have decided to cease chemotherapy and have the best quality of life possible with my husband until I die.

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I begged him to come with me to a meeting where terminal patients and their families talk about their anger, their difficulties dealing with the inevitable death of a loved one. He didn't even answer. He pretends he can't hear me.

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I am so afraid of what will happen when I die. I am afraid he will collapse. I don't know how to reach him, help him with his pain.

I wish he'd share it with me, so we could be here for each other for as long as I've got left. I'm frightened too, and I am feeling so alone.

If you need help or advice, reach out to us, and thousands of women just like you who are struggling with the difficulties of life. You are not alone, we are here for you, and we listen; so write to us anonymously using this form.

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