About AM

August 29, 2018

'I am in love with two different men and although my head tells me it's wrong, my heart is true'

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Dear AmoMama,

I have been reading up about "polyamory" and I think that's what I have! I am in love with two different men and although my head tells me it's wrong, my heart is true and I don't feel like I'm doing anything wrong.

I am 40 years old and married to my high school sweetheart. We got together at Prom and have been a couple ever since. He is sweet and loving and was pretty much my first everything. We have 4 children together.

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Two years ago, I changed jobs and met a man at work. He was the office stud, all the women flirted with him and all the men wanted to be him. I never really paid much attention to him, but recently he has started spending more time at my desk.

Water-cooler banter became tea-break conversations and then lunch dates and before I realized it, I was staying late at work and going out for dinner with him a few nights a week.

He leaves me naughty voice messages, puts chocolates in my desk drawer, sends me sexy emails, and has recently suggested we go to a hotel down the road.

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My husband has not changed a bit since high school. He is still my best friend and the person I want to grow old with. I see this new man in my life as an additional extra, not as a substitute.

One of my girlfriends told me I should just have a fling and get done with it. She said I have an itch that needs scratching and should not to upset my whole marriage for one flea and a mid-life crisis. But I think she's wrong and that's not me. 

I would like to brace the topic of an open marriage with my husband or even just the concept of polyamory. I really think I am meant to be with both these men, but I don't want to take the next step without being honest with my husband. 

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My best friend since high school insists that my husband will be devastated if I tell him that I am in love with someone else and that I am heartless for even suggesting he be okay with it. She says if I can't be faithful to him, I should divorce him.

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I know what people will say, I have the same conversation with myself all the time. I know what it sounds like, but deep in my heart this just feels right. I want to be with them both, I really do. 

We live in a small town and people here are very judgmental and small-minded. Am I being unfair expecting him to understand? Has anyone else been in a similar position? Please advise me.

If you need help or advice, reach out to us, and thousands of women just like you who are struggling with the difficulties of life. You are not alone, we are here for you, and we listen; so write to us anonymously using this form.

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