'I am in love with two different men and although my head tells me it's wrong, my heart is true'

Dear AmoMama,

I have been reading up about "polyamory" and I think that's what I have! I am in love with two different men and although my head tells me it's wrong, my heart is true and I don't feel like I'm doing anything wrong.

I am 40 years old and married to my high school sweetheart. We got together at Prom and have been a couple ever since. He is sweet and loving and was pretty much my first everything. We have 4 children together.



Two years ago, I changed jobs and met a man at work. He was the office stud, all the women flirted with him and all the men wanted to be him. I never really paid much attention to him, but recently he has started spending more time at my desk.

Water-cooler banter became tea-break conversations and then lunch dates and before I realized it, I was staying late at work and going out for dinner with him a few nights a week.

He leaves me naughty voice messages, puts chocolates in my desk drawer, sends me sexy emails, and has recently suggested we go to a hotel down the road.



My husband has not changed a bit since high school. He is still my best friend and the person I want to grow old with. I see this new man in my life as an additional extra, not as a substitute.

One of my girlfriends told me I should just have a fling and get done with it. She said I have an itch that needs scratching and should not to upset my whole marriage for one flea and a mid-life crisis. But I think she's wrong and that's not me. 

I would like to brace the topic of an open marriage with my husband or even just the concept of polyamory. I really think I am meant to be with both these men, but I don't want to take the next step without being honest with my husband. 



My best friend since high school insists that my husband will be devastated if I tell him that I am in love with someone else and that I am heartless for even suggesting he be okay with it. She says if I can't be faithful to him, I should divorce him.

I know what people will say, I have the same conversation with myself all the time. I know what it sounds like, but deep in my heart this just feels right. I want to be with them both, I really do. 

We live in a small town and people here are very judgmental and small-minded. Am I being unfair expecting him to understand? Has anyone else been in a similar position? Please advise me.

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