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'My heart bleeds with pain': Kristoff St. John's fiancée is still grieving her loss

Jaimie-lee Prince
Feb 09, 2019
07:49 A.M.

Kristoff St. John's fiancée continued to share her heartache following the death of the beloved actor on Sunday.

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Kseniya Mikhaleva took to Instagram stories to open up about how she's feeling since St. John, 52, took his life earlier this week. The screenshots are found below.

The Russian-born model got engaged to St. John in September 2018. At the time, the "Young And The Restless" alum posted a "she said yes" announcement along with several pictures of the engagement ring.

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Mikhaleva also shared photos of her large square-shaped diamond ring on Instagram. St John was reportedly found by a friend who went to check up on him at his Woodlands home.

On Wednesday, Mikhaleva shared a poem:

“My hands they shake with sorrow, My heart it bleeds with pain, My soul forever lingers, Wishing you could have stayed.”

A picture of a woman's eyes with black tears falling from it appeared in the background of the text.

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In another post, the model shared a picture of a puzzle necklace with one piece saying "Cupcake" and the other "Princess."

She added the words:

"You gave me this to save, and I will save it."

Soon after St. John's death, Mikhaleva allegedly shared a now deleted post which read:

“How did it happen ??? How ??? Why did you leave so early ???? and left me alone ….. I can’t believe [broken heart emojis]”

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She added:

“You were everything to me …. you were a loving father, a loving man,…..how [crying emojis, broken heart emojis] love?? We should [be] doing a lot of things in future……”

The Los Angeles Police Department reportedly investigated the death as a possible alcohol overdose. However, an official cause of death was not confirmed as we await further results following the autopsy.

St. John left behind his fiancée as well as two daughters, Paris and Lola, from a previous relationship. His son Julian was 24 when he also killed himself back in 2014.

Source: Instagram/ Ksumik

Source: Instagram/ Ksumik

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As recently as January 21, St. John retweeted a post referencing his son's death which read: “Grieving the loss of a child is a process. It begins on the day your child passes, and ends the day the parent joins them.”

St. John added that "never a truer word was spoken" to the retweet. His suicide came just over two weeks following that tweet.

His mourning fiancée was not widely known by the public. The model previously walked runways in Estet Fashion Week and Arab Fashion Week. She is also in the process of obtaining a degree in business in Moscow where she lives.

Source: Instagram/ Ksumik

Source: Instagram/ Ksumik

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She and St. John met in Paris and dated for seven months before their engagement. Their long-distance relationship did not help St.John's ongoing depression from his son's death.

In fact, the actor also had a scare when he threatened suicide in 2017. When he committed the act on Sunday, fans and former castmates were distraught.

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Shemar Moore, who played St. John's half brother on the "Young And The Restless" for years, left several tributes. He called him a mentor and the closest thing he had to a brother.

CBS network premiered the final episode that featured St. John in the soap opera on Wednesday night. On Sunday, February 8, the network is set to broadcast a tribute in memory of St. John and to celebrate his life and achievements.

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