February 11, 2019
Prescribing birth-control pills is the solution for an anxiety-ridden middle-aged woman.
A doctor is startled when a woman well past the age of childbearing asks him for a prescription for birth control.
And when she explained her reasons, he was even more astounded.
A woman went into the doctor’s office. When the doctor asked why she was there, she replied: “I’d like to have some birth control pills.”
Taken aback, the doctor thought for a minute and then said: “Excuse me ma’am, but you’re well into menopause. What possible use could you have for birth control pills?”
The woman responded: “They help me sleep better.”
The doctor thought some more and continued: “How in the world do birth control pills help you to sleep?”
The woman said:
“Well, I put them in my daughter’s orange juice every morning and I sleep better at night.”
A woman walks into the downtown welfare office, followed by her 15 kids, all walking obediently and quietly in a single-file behind their mother.
“WOW,” the social worker exclaims, are they all yours?”
The tired mother replies that yes, they are indeed all hers. It's a question she had heard a thousand times before and she tried not to let the irritation show.
The mother looks at her children and says, "Sit down, Leroy.” All the children rush to find seats. The social worker is clearly impressed and says:
“Well, then you must be here to sign up. I’ll need all your children’s names.”
“This one’s my oldest – he is Leroy.”
“OK, and who’s next?” the social worker asks.
The mother continues: “Well, this one he is Leroy, also.”
The social worker raises an eyebrow but continues. One by one, through the oldest four, all boys, all named Leroy. Then she is introduced to the eldest girl, named Leighroy!
“All right,” says the caseworker. “I’m seeing a pattern here. Are they ALL named Leroy?” The mother replied:
“Well, yes – it makes it easier. When it is time to get them out of bed and ready for school, I yell, ‘Leroy!’ And when it’s time for dinner, I just yell ‘Leroy!’ and they all come running. And if I need to stop the kid who’s running into the street, I just yell ‘Leroy’ and all of them stop. It’s the smartest idea I ever had, naming them all Leroy.”
The social worker thinks this over for a bit, then wrinkles her forehead and says tentatively, “But what if you just want one kid to come, and not the whole bunch?”
“I call them by their last names.”
In a related story, a man passes away after a lifetime of wrongdoing and ends up in hell, where he gets to choose his own punishment.
February 19, 2019
March 12, 2019