February 28, 2019
A woman about 48 years old got pulled over for speeding and the way she dealt with it was hilariously clever.
One evening, a cop pulled over an older lady who was going over the speed limit. The woman asked, "Is there a problem, officer?"
The officer said: "Yes, ma'am. I noticed you were speeding. Do you mind showing me your license, please?"
The woman responded:
"I'd give it to you but I don't have one."
"Don't have one?" the officer replied, perplexed. The woman then clarified that she "lost it four years ago for driving while drunk."
Keeping his cool, the officer then asked for the woman's vehicle registration papers. Yet again, the lady was unable to provide him with the documents.
When asked why not, the woman says:
"I don't have any of those because I stole this car."
Confused, the officer asks the woman to repeat what she said. The woman adds that she also "killed and chopped up the vehicle's owner."
"You what?" the officer responds. The woman then encourages the officers to look in the trunk to find the body parts in a plastic bag.
With that, the officer walked back to his car slowly and called for back up. Five minutes later, a number of police cars encircle the woman's vehicle.
A senior policeman cautiously walked towards the car, keeping one hand on his gun. He asked the woman to exit her car with authority.
When she does, the woman asks:
"Is there a problem, sir?"
The officer says, "One of my men informed me that you stole this car and killed the owner."
Appearing to be taken aback the woman responds, "Murdered the owner?" When the officer says yes, he asks the woman to open her drunk.
The older woman followed the instructions but all they found was an empty trunk. The senior officer then asked the woman if the car is hers.
"Yes, you can have a look at these registration papers to prove it."
Stunned, the senior officer then confronts the woman about a missing driver's license. The woman goes into her purse and produces her license for the officer.
Then the senior officer says:
"Thank you, ma'am. My officer here said that you didn't possess any license, that you stole this car, and that you murdered and chopped up its owner."
The lady replies:
"I bet the liar also said I was speeding, right?"
That lady pulled a very clever fast one to get out of her situation. Meanwhile, another woman made sure she got her way when it came to her wedding vows.
At his wedding rehearsal, a groom went up to the priest and made a strange offer. He told the priest he would give him $100 to change the wedding vows he had made with his wife.
He explained what to do:
"When you reach the part about promising to 'love, honor and obey' and to 'to be faithful to her until death do us part,' I'd like if you just skip over that part."
He handed the minister the bill, smiled confidently and strolled off. Their next meeting would be on the big day.
At the couple's wedding ceremony, the time came for the groom's vows to be read. The priest looked the man straight in the eye and began:
"Do you vow to prostrate yourself before her, obey her every demand and desire, serve her breakfast in bed every single morning, and swear eternally before God and your amazing wife that you will never ever even glance at another woman, as long as you both shall live?"
Wide-eyed, the groom gulped and gazed around the hall. Then he said quietly, "Yes I do." He leaned over to the priest and hissed under his breath: "I thought you and I had an agreement."
The minister slipped a $100 bill into the groom's hand and whispered back:
"She made me a better offer and I took it."
March 01, 2019
September 02, 2021