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Joke: Woman Arrives Home from Work and Her Husband Notices She's Wearing a Diamond Necklace

Cheryl Kahla
Mar 04, 2019
07:17 A.M.

Dealing with marital issues is not always an easy task, but we need to see that humor in these situations as well.

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In this week's collection of jokes, we look at a jealous husband and a situation that newlyweds are all too familiar with.

DON'T RUIN THE TICKET

A woman arrives home from work, and her husband notices she's wearing a diamond necklace. He asks his wife, "Where did you get that necklace?"

Woman wearing a necklace | Image credit: Pixabay

Woman wearing a necklace | Image credit: Pixabay

She replies, "I won it in a raffle at work. Go get my bath ready while I start dinner."

The next day, the woman arrives home from work wearing a diamond bracelet. Her husband asks, "Where did you get the bracelet?"

She replies, "I won it in a raffle at work. Go get my bath ready while I start dinner."

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The next day, her husband notices she arrives home from work wearing a mink coat. He says, "I suppose you won that in a raffle at work?"

Woman wearing a fur coat | Image credit: Pixabay

Woman wearing a fur coat | Image credit: Pixabay

She replies, "Yeah I did! How did you guess? Go get my bath ready while I start supper."

Later after supper, she goes to take her bath, and she notices there is only one inch of water in the tub. She yells to her husband:

"HEY! There's only an inch of water in the tub."

He replies, "I didn't want you to get your raffle ticket wet."

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NEWLYWEDS

A newlywed couple moves into their new house. One day the husband comes home from work and his wife says:

"Honey, you know, in the upstairs bathroom one of the pipes is leaking, could you fix it?"

The husband says, "What do I look like, Mr. Plumber?"

An angry man | Image credit: Pixabay

An angry man | Image credit: Pixabay

A few days go by, and he comes home from work and his wife says, "Honey, the car won't start. I think it needs a new battery. Could you change it for me?"

He says: "What do I look like, Mr. Goodwrench?"

Another few days go by, and it's raining pretty hard. The wife finds a leak in the roof. She says, "Honey, there's a leak on the roof! Can you please fix it?"

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Woman standing with a bucket under leaking ceiling | Image credit: Pixabay

Woman standing with a bucket under leaking ceiling | Image credit: Pixabay

He says, "What do I look like, Bob Vila?"

The next day the husband comes home, and the roof is fixed. So is the plumbing. So is the car. He asks his wife what happened.

"Oh, I had a handyman come in and fix them," she says.

"Great! How much is that going to cost me?" he snarls.

The wife says: "Nothing. He said he'd do it for free if I either baked him a cake or slept with him." The husband then asks what kind of cake she baked for him.

"What do I look like," she says, "Betty Crocker?"

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