Elderly Lady Tells the Truth in Court – but It Wasn't the One Lawyers Expected to Hear
During a court trial, an elderly lady was called to the stand. The lawyer asked her a simple question, but he was totally unprepared for the response he got.
The prosecuting attorney had as his first witness a 78-year-old grandmother named Rose Keely who walked sturdily up to the stand at the front of the courtroom.
The attorney asked the elderly lady, "Mrs. Keely, do you know who I am." He turned and faced the attendees as he awaited her response.
"Well, of course, I know you Mr. George. I've been around your entire life. And quite frankly, you've grown into quite the disappointment. You're a liar, manipulative, a backstabber, and unfaithful to your wife."
She went on:
"You think you're reaching the top of your game but really you're never going to amount to much more than a lousy paper shuffler. Yes, I certainly know you."
The prosecutor was taken aback. He quickly redirected attention to the defense attorney sitting across the room. "Do you know the defense attorney, Mrs. Keely?" he asked.
There was no stopping the elderly lady who answered:
"Well, of course I know Mr. Lloyd. I was around since he was a child too. I even babysat the young tot. But he's also been a major disappointment with his laziness, bigotry and not to mention his drinking problem."
"The man doesn't have the right social skills needed to build a proper relationship outside of his law practice, which is one of the most rubbish in town. Yup, I know him well."
When Rose was done, the judge pounded his gavel so that the courtroom would quiet down. Then, he immediately summoned the counselors to the bench.
Speaking under his breath but with great alarm in his voice, he told them: "Neither of you better ask her whether or not she knows me, otherwise you'll go to jail for contempt!"
Another elderly lady responded to a bounced check from the bank with one of the wisest and most clever comebacks ever. She wrote a letter that was shared by the bank's manager.
It read: "Dear Sir: I would like to thank you for bouncing my check which I hoped would compensate my plumber last month. If I calculated correctly, there were three seconds between his presenting the check and my funds' arrival in my account.
"Of course, I am speaking about my automatic deposit from my pension that comes in every month. I confess that's it been just eight years since this process began.
"I commend you for taking advantage of that brief window of opportunity and, further, for debiting my account $30 as a penalty for the inconvenience to you.
"I am also thanking you for leading me to revise how I go about my finances. I observed that while I personally respond to your calls and letters -- when I try to reach you, I am faced with an impersonal, pre-recorded, often times faceless entity that is your bank.
"Henceforce, I will copy you and only deal with a flesh-and-blood human being. From now on, my mortgage and loan repayments will reach your bank by check.
"This check will be addressed to an employee whom you will nominate. He alone can open the envelope with the check, otherwise, you will be committing an offense under the Postal Act.
"Attached to this letter is an Application Contact which the employee must complete. I apologize for the eight pages, but you might understand that I want to know as much about this person as your bank knows about me.
"Please include all copies of his or her medical history which should be countersigned by a Notary Public. Also required is his/her financial situation, including income, debts, assets, and liabilities, along with documented proof.
"When I see fit, I will share a PIN number with the employee with they must use to interact with me. Unfortunately, 28 digits is the minimum I require as I have based this around the number of buttons I press to access my account balance via your bank's telephone service.
"You know what they say: imitation is the best form of flattery. And to level the playing field further, here are the button presses to be made when calling me."
The elderly woman went on to list what each button from * to 9 does. She then reminded the manager to "never make an old person angry because [they] don't much enjoy being up there in age so it takes very little to get on [their] bad side."