With the daily onslaught of negativity, it's always nice to keep the spirits up with laughter. Today we feature a few jokes a tad on the naughty side and best enjoyed with a few girlfriends.
After a long drive, Arnold Palmer pulled into a gas station with his fancy Mercedes to fill up and to get something to drink.
A Mercedes-Benz S-Class on the road. | Source: Shutterstock.
The attendant recognized Arnold immediately and didn’t find it surprising that he drove such a luxurious car; he is a successful pro golfer after all.
Once Arnold returned from the convenience store, he reached into his pocket to pay the gas attendant, but in the process, some change and other smaller items fell out. The attendant picked up a tee and asked Arnold, “What is this?”
“It’s a tee,” Arnold replied. “But what is it used for?” The young man asked once more. “I put my balls on it when I drive,” Arnold explained.
Impressed, the attendant said, “Gosh, those Germans think of everything.”
A woman laughing. | Source: Shutterstock.
Three men died shortly after each other and arrived at heaven’s gates at the same time. But before they could enter, God gave them a choice to come back to earth as anything they wanted.
All three the men gladly accepted the offer and looked forward to returning. The first guy said, “I want to come back as myself, but 100 times smarter.”
So God honored his wish and sent him back 100 times smarter. The second guy said, “I want to be even better, send me back 1000 times smarter, please.”
So God to honored the second guy’s wish and sent him back 1000 smarter. The third guy gave it a few minutes of thought and decided to go even bigger.
“God, can you please make me a million times smarter when you send me back?” he asked.
So God sent him back to earth as a woman.
Two girlfriends laughing out loud. | Source: Shutterstock.
At long last, Charles DeGaulle decided to retire from public life. In his honor, the American ambassador and his wife threw him a gala dinner party on his last official day.
During dinner, Madame de Gaulle and the American ambassador’s wife struck up a conversation.
“Your husband has been such a prominent public figure, such a presence on the French and International scene for so many years!” she said to Madame de Gaulle. “How quiet retirement will seem in comparison. What are you most looking forward to in these retirement years?”
Guests enjoying a dinner party. | Source: Shutterstock.
Madame de Gaulle replied, “A penis,” which immediately caused the guests around the table to go quiet. No one knew what to say, even though everyone heard.
Finally, Charles leaned over to his wife and discreetly said, “Ma Cherie, I believe zee Americans pronounce zat word, ‘appiness.
In a similar joke of the day, a man received too much information after a waiter’s puzzling behavior caused him to ask why he carried a spoon around.