Daily Joke: Man Who's Laid up at Home with the Flu Tells His Fiancée Not to Visit Him
A man with flu turned down his fiancée’s offer to come over and nurse him. He got a hilarious response.
His fiancée volunteered to fix him dinner and play nursemaid to him, but he didn’t want to pass on the flu to her.
"Okay honey", she told him. "We'll wait till after we get married. Then we can spend the rest of our lives making each other sick!"
Man and woman sitting on bed | Photo: Getty Images
THE INNOCENT BEATRICE
If that crack you up, here’s a joke about an unmarried church organist.
Miss Beatrice, a sweet and kind church organist, was in her eighties but had never been married. Her churchmates admired her innocence and sense of purity.
One afternoon the pastor came to call on her and she showed him into her quaint sitting room. She invited him to have a seat while she prepared tea.
Old woman smiling | Photo: Pexels
As he sat facing her old Hammond organ, the young minister noticed a cut-glass bowl sitting on top of it. The bowl was filled with water and in the water floated a condom.
When she returned, with tea and scones, they began to chat. The pastor tried to stifle his curiosity about the bowl of water and its strange floater, but soon it got the better of him he could no longer resist.
"Miss Beatrice," he said, "I wonder if you would tell me about this?" pointing to the bowl.
"Oh, yes," she replied, "Isn’t it wonderful? I was walking through the park a few months ago and I found this little package on the ground. The directions said to place it on the organ, keep it wet, that it would prevent the spread of disease. Do you know I haven’t had the flu all winter!"
Old woman holding sunhat and picnic basket | Photo: Pexels
STINGY MAN, SMART WIFE
Here’s a bonus joke, this time about a stingy man who wanted his wife to bury all his money with him.
She could hardly believe his incredibly selfish request, but he managed to guilt her into promising "with all her heart" that she would do as he asked.
But just before her husband's funeral, she came up with a clever solution.
The wife sat right at the front at the funeral, with her best friend seated next to her in support. As the undertakers were about to close the casket, she asked them to wait a moment for her to place something in the coffin.
Old woman on the way to funeral | Photo: Freepik
Her friend watched in disbelief as she approached the casket and placed a box inside it. Then the coffin was locked, and the undertakers carried it away. “I hope you weren’t crazy enough to put all that money in there with that stingy old man,” her friend asked the wife.
“I sure did,” answered the wife. “I got it all together, put it into my account and I wrote him a check.”
Want to laugh some more? Check out this story of a wife who taught her lazy husband a lesson for refusing to help her.