Daily Joke: Three Doctors Talk to Saint Peter at the Pearly Gates
Some people believe that when you die you either go to heaven or hell. Your fate is not easy to determine so enjoy the funny side of the pearly gates.
When your service plan doesn't have full coverage
Three doctors are waiting in line to get into the pearly gates. St. Peter walks out and asks the first one, "What have you done to enter Heaven?"
"I am a pediatrician and have brought thousands of the Lord's babies into the world."
"Good enough to enter the gates," replied St. Peter and in he goes. The same question is asked of the second doctor.
"I am a general practioner and go to Third World countries three times a year to cure the poor." St. Peter is impressed and allows him through the gates.
The third doctor steps up in line and knowing the question, blurts out, "I am a director of a HMO."
St. Peter meditates on this for a while and then says, "Fine, you can enter Heaven... but only for 2 days."
Hell has many options
A physician passed away and was being screened for the destination of his soul's eternal afterlife.
Unfortunately, he'd been a bit of a lout, a quack, and greedy to boot, so he wasn't quite certain what to expect.
Upon arriving at the Pearly Gates, St Peter greeted him, and informed the Doctor that he would be allowed to choose from one of the doors before him, but that because of his greed and misdeeds he may find the choices rather hellish.
Upon opening door #1, he witnessed fire and brimstone of truly Biblical proportions, a horrifying sight, and quickly closed it.
Upon viewing the spectacle behind door #2, he was even more horrified to observe various tortured souls ravaged by plague, disease and other maladies to terrible to mention, while an evil guard stood watch.
With trepidation he opened Door #3 to discover therein groups of white-coated male physicians, being waited on hand and foot by beautiful young women dressed in little more than nursing caps!
He rushed excitedly back to saint Peter and proclaimed, "I'll take door #3!"
"Oh, no, I'm afraid that's not possible," exclaimed Saint Peter, "that's NURSES' Hell!"
The Lie Clock
After a long life, and a tumultuous marriage, Stan Herman dies and arrives at the Gates of Heaven, where he sees a huge wall of clocks behind him.
He asks an angel, "What are all those clocks?"
The angel answers, "Those are Lie-Clocks. Everyone on Earth has a Lie-Clock. Every time you lie the hands on your clock will move."
"Oh," says Herman, "whose clock is that?"
"That's Moses' clock. The hands have never moved, indicating that he never told a lie."
"Incredible," says Herman. "And whose clock is that one?"
The angel responds, "That's Abraham Lincoln's clock. The hands have moved twice, telling us that Abe told only two lies in his entire life."
"So where's my clock?" asks Herman.
"Your clock is in God's office. He's using it as a ceiling fan."