An old woman requested a series of additional tests to confirm if her husband was truly dead. The results of the tests proved conclusive but left the woman with a bigger shock.
A woman took her husband to a hospital. After examining the man for a moment, the doctor came out and informed the woman her husband was dead.
In utter disbelief, the woman rushed into the ward and found her husband’s lifeless form lying on the examination table. She muttered in anguish: “I don’t believe it. Are you sure? I want to be absolutely sure. Are there any other tests you can do?”
Bottles of pills lined up in a row | Photo: Shutterstock
The doctor replied: “I’m quite sure. But if you’d like, we do have some alternative tests that we can perform.” With a glint of hope, the woman cut in, saying:
“YES! I have to be absolutely certain.”
Without further ado, the doctor walked up to his seat and spoke into the buzzer: “Send in Mrs. Fluffkins!” A black cat soon walked into the room, jumped onto the examination table, and strolled carelessly on the man’s unresponsive body.
It pawed the man’s face continually but was unable to provoke a response. Eventually, the cat jumped off the table, meowed twice, and skittered off the room. With a dismissive shrug, the doctor chipped in:
“Just as I thought. Dead. Send in Walter.”
A Labrador retriever came in through another door, strolled over to the examination table, and smelled the man’s right fingers which were dangling down the table.
Slowly, the dog turned to the doctor with its big expressive eyes and shook its head before walking out. Again, the doctor turned to the old woman and said: “Just as I thought. Dead. Send in Collin!”
In came a towering Aussie kitted in safari gear and a pair of binoculars dangling from his neck. He peered through the binoculars, focusing on the unresponsive man for a brief minute. He then turned to the hopeful woman and yelled:
“Oy Woman ya husband is dead.”
The Aussie also left the room through the same door he came in. Speaking into the buzzer again, the doctor said: “Thank you, Collin.” Casually, the doctor made a note on his clipboard, then pressed the buzzer on his table again and said: “Ma’am, can you come in here?”
After a long pause, an elderly woman walked into the room slowly and examined the body on the examination table through her thick glasses. She shook her head, sat in front of a typewriter, and typed for some seconds.
She then pulled a card from the typewriter and handed it over to the doctor. The doctor looked at the card and shook his head in sadness. He said:
“Dead. Thank you, ma’am, that’ll be all.”
As soon as the old woman left the room, the doctor sprang up from his seat, took a nearby stool, and swung it violently on the husband’s lifeless body. The corpse flailed from the impact but returned to its initial position.
Setting the stool down, the doctor jotted something on his clipboard, turned to the elderly woman with a sad expression, and said:
“I am sorry to inform you that your husband is definitely dead.”
As the old woman wept bitterly, the doctor handed her a piece of paper detailing the test result and asked her to hand it over to the front desk officer. She did as the doctor said.
The lady at the front desk accepted the slip of paper, looked it over once, and said with a sad expression: “I’m sorry for your loss. That will be $32,000.” The old woman exclaimed:
“32 thousand dollars?!! That can't possibly be right. I’ve never paid that much to see the doctor.”
With a sympathetic look, the receptionist went over the slip again a said: “Well, it’s $100 copay for the doctor’s visit. But then, it shows you also requested a cat scan, a lab report, a Collin-oscopy, a ma’am-ogram and a stool analysis.”
Enjoyed this joke? Here is another joke about an elderly couple who found a bag of money on their 60th anniversary.