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A Woman's Ex Spoils Their Kid, What Should She Do? – Discussion of The Day

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Sep 20, 2021
07:30 P.M.
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A Mother on Reddit discovered that her ex-husband bought gifts for their kids that she and her current partner couldn't buy for their step-children. The situation made her husband uncomfortable, and she's not sure about what to do about it.

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Reddit user Illustrious-Cap-1197 lives with her husband and four children. Two of them are from her previous marriage, and her two stepkids are from her husband's previous marriage. A while ago, the Redditor's ex-husband bought their two kids expensive gifts when they visited him, which put her in an awkward situation.

Source: Amomama

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The user's husband wasn't very pleased when he saw what happened because they couldn't afford to buy their other children similar gifts, and he believed this would cause problems in their household.

Person holding gift | Source: Unsplash

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THE EX-HUSBAND

Reddit user Illustrious-Cap-1197 explained in the post that her ex-husband grew up poor and worked hard for his wealth. Now that he can afford it, he wants to give his children everything he never had growing up, making it seem like he spoils them.

The user added that they're more careful with their spending in her household and only buy their children gifts now and then. Her husband feared that if her ex continued to do this, it would cause a "rift" between the siblings.

This situation is quite common. Kate Scharff, a Washington DC-based psychotherapist, isn't particularly fond of parents who "spoil" their kids. In an article talking about this on the Huffington Post, she said,

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"The next time the kids come home with a new Nintendo Wii U or iPad, remind yourself that love can't be bought"

boy and girl standing by the window | Source: Unsplash

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IS THE HUSBAND RIGHT TO BE WORRIED?

One incident that put the husband on alert was when his son asked to play with his stepsister's Nintendo Switch while she was using it, and she told him to wait. The kids then got into an argument. The couple told their son they'd buy him one if he improved his games, but that only caused a bigger issue.

as the old saying goes: "Money can’t buy your kid’s love."

Reddit user Illustrious-Cap-1197's husband then insisted she should tell her ex-husband to stop spoiling their kids. He insisted that they should all agree on what to get the children together. However, she doesn't think that her ex is doing anything wrong, and most of the Reddit community agrees with her.

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People walking in front of Monte Casino | Source: Unsplash

HOW TO TELL IF YOUR CHILD IS SPOILED

One of the signs is when you tell your kids "no," and they instantly throw a tantrum until you relent and give them what they want. Spoiled children don't take kindly to people, telling them "no," and they often aggressively act out.

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Michele Borba, an educational psychologist, often likes to remind parents,

“Remember, there is no gene for spoiled. It’s a learned behavior that can be unlearned — and the quicker, the better.”

Another sign would be when a child thinks that they're the center of the universe. A self-centered child never thinks of other people and often feels entitled and expects others to go out of their way to make them happy. It's also a red flag when a child asks for something and wants it immediately regardless of what it is. Lack of patience is one of several signs of a spoiled child.

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PARENTS WHO TRY TO BUY THEIR CHILDREN'S LOVE

Most people will tell you that money makes the world go round, and for the most part, this is true. However, there are a few exceptions, one of which is parenting. It's all good well to wave around your checkbook when dealing with the rest of the world, but when it comes to children, the dynamic completely shifts.

Most parents don't realize this and try to use the same technique when they get home. But as the old saying goes: "Money can’t buy your kid’s love."

Parents sometimes use their money to compensate for not being around or not knowing how to bond with their kids. And while this may work when children are younger, it may have some unexpected consequences as they grow up.

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KIDS ALWAYS KNOW

About a year ago, Reddit user warriorfw wrote a post titled "My father tries to buy my love." The Redditor explained that she grew up in a wealthy household, but she wasn't very materialistic. After her parents filed for divorce, she noticed a change in her father's behavior.

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According to her, soon after the split happened, her father moved in with a woman he once had an affair with. Now that the divorce is almost final, her father has tried to build a relationship with her by spoiling her with gifts and money. In the post, she said,

"I’m not a material person, I never was and never will be for me all that counts is that the people I love are happy. My dad is a really sad man. He doesn’t know happiness he is a really negative person. My dad tries to make his bad feelings go away by trying to make me happy with material things and that’s just not how it works. "

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CONSEQUENCES OF SPOILED CHILD SYNDROME

When children grow up spoiled, there usually comes a time when nature steps in, and they get a taste of the real world for the first time. On Reddit, several "former spoiled kids" opened up about their experiences and how this affected them.

Reddit user 0sirseifer0 was one of them. He was treated like royalty when growing up and could have everything he wanted. He had live-in servants and more money than his family knew what to do with. However, things changed when his parents divorced, and he was forced to live a "normal" life with his mother and brothers. 0sirseifer0 recalls,

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"I remember my first time washing dishes at school and I did it with cold water and the other students laughed and said you're supposed to do it with warm/hot water. I went from buying whatever I wanted to buying second-hand school clothes, but it was the best thing to happen to me ..."

Some parents never realize that they're spoiling their children until it's too late, and others never realize it at all. Whatever the case may be, consciously (or unconsciously) pampering kids may negatively affect their development. What's your opinion on this? Leave a comment and let us know.

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