September 17, 2021
Just like any relationship, managing the one you share with your biological parents can sometimes be delicate and complicated. Not all adoptees have a healthy relationship with their birth parents. One Redditor knew it was inconsiderate but decided not to donate his bone marrow to his biological father.
The relationship you have with your birth parents is likely still new. You’d probably be stuck figuring out where you fit into each other’s lives. Though it’s an exciting time for both of you, it can still be a little confusing for some, and this was the case for a 17-year-old adopted boy on Reddit.
The Redditor was adopted when he was two. Since his birth parents could not care for him, he ended up in foster care. Thankfully, a couple adopted him, and for the rest of his life, he was happy and never complained about anything. Neither he nor his birth parents tried contacting each other for 17 years. But one day, they reached out to his adoptive parents seeking help to save his biological father.
THE DIFFICULTIES OF ADOPTION.
Putting children up for adoption isn't easy for anyone. For some parents, letting go seems impossible, while for others, it comes easy. After 17 years of not speaking to his biological parents, the latter appeared to describe the Reddit user's situation best. Then one day, his life was almost entirely turned upside down. In his post, the teenager explained,
“About a month ago, my birth parents got into contact with my family. Long story short, my birth father is sick and needs a bone marrow transplant..”
The Redditor's birth parents wanted him to get tested and donate his marrow to his father. However, the Redditor’s foster parents left the decision to him. He thought about it for a while until he finally came to a decision.
A NON-EXISTENT RELATIONSHIP
An adoptee’s relationship with their birth parents is an individualized experience. Meaning, no two situations are alike. Though he could’ve blindly helped his birth father, the Redditor decided to do what he felt was the right thing for him. In the post, he added,
“I don’t know them other than they gave birth to me. They have had no part in my life whatsoever, and now they suddenly need me."
For most adopted kids, the opportunity to have a strong relationship with their entire family can be a rewarding experience. However, it doesn’t always work out. After he posted his story, several people from the online community felt he needed to step forward and help his biological dad despite their non-existent relationship.
SOME RELATIONSHIPS ARE MORE COMPLICATED THAN OTHERS
The Redditor was happy and had nothing to complain about his adoptive family. His only issue was with his birth parents since they left him to survive on his own. He wasn't comfortable helping his biological father, but some believed it to be an inconsiderate decision.
Several people from the online community sided with the teenager and applauded his decision. However, some felt he should’ve reconsidered the decision and helped his dad anyway. But the Redditor stood his ground and wrote in an update:
“For those of you who keep saying, “You should reconsider it,” how about you donate to him? My parents told me to think about [it]. I thought [about] it, and the answer is no. No. I’m not doing it. That’s it.”
A COMPLICATED WEB OF LIES
In his Reddit post, the dad of a 17-year-old emphasized his dark past with his ex-wife. The couple split after seven years of marriage, with the dad gaining custody over his daughter. He wanted his daughter to live a happy life away from her mother, who later on married her co-worker.
The mother never contacted her daughter for 11 years but forced her way into the teenager’s life just because she needed her favor. Posting on Reddit, the dad wrote:
“About 3 months ago, my ex-wife contacted me to say that my daughter wasn’t actually mine. She was the product of the affair with the guy she is now married to and that my daughter needed to donate bone marrow to her “brother.” I refused.”
The Redditor’s ex-wife then contacted her daughter at school and tried to convince her to donate her bone marrow. The teen refused to talk since her mom showed up only to seek a favor from her. The dad didn’t want to convince his daughter to help her stepbrother.
BIOLOGICAL FATHER ABANDONS DAUGHTER IN HER TIME OF NEED
In another story, a biological father was a Chinese teen’s last hope when she was diagnosed with cancer. Despite knowing she needed his help, the dad didn’t show up for the bone marrow transplant.
The girl’s stepfather traveled to China’s Shanxi Province to look for the girl’s biological father. Speaking exclusively to a leading news media, he said:
“I’ve watched Xinxin grow since she was five years old. She is a pretty girl, very optimistic. But now she is receiving bone marrow puncture and doing blood test every day.”
The teenager’s father had undergone a bone marrow test, and the results showed a 90 percent match. Chances of her survival were plenty, but only if he agreed to the transplant. Though he’d previously agreed to help his daughter, the dad never showed up at the hospital for the procedure. The girl’s adoptive family remained helpless, and there was nothing they could do.
A father once walked out on his ten-year-old son and never looked back. Years later, he approached the now 22-year-old man to help save his stepsister’s life. When speaking about it, the young mansaid
“I’m now 22, and I didn’t hear from him until this year. My half-sister needs a bone marrow transplant. I got halfway through dinner with my father before he brought this up”.
The son felt guilty for walking out on him when he demanded the favor. But he also knew it was unfair on his father's part to expect him to be the bigger person after abandoning him for so many years.
REUNIONS DON'T ALWAYS GO AS EXPECTED
Navigating the search and reunion process is quite tricky, but the emotional minefield doesn’t always end with a happy reunion for many adopted kids. Sometimes, figuring out this “new” relationship with birth parents can be challenging to navigate, especially when either of you meets up to fulfill a specific demand.
For the most part, you’ve been strangers your entire life though you share a significant connection. Making sense of that emotional bond and moving forward to build a positive relationship can take a lot of time to work from both sides.
If only one person is interested in increasing or decreasing the amount of contact you share, it can be pretty uncomfortable. Relationships bloom out of an emotional attachment and not by mere favors.
Most birth parents love their children regardless of how much they contact each other. But in several cases, specifically the 17-year-old Redditor’s, he does have a good reason as to why he’d never reconsider helping his biological dad. Do you feel he should still give it a thought? Your comments are appreciated! Thanks for reading!
September 14, 2021
September 10, 2021