October 12, 2021
"I love you, but I can't see myself taking care of someone this sick in the long-term, and I don't think we should see each other any longer," said the text message. His fiancée left him after he was diagnosed with stomach cancer.
Cancer treatments are not easy, and they can easily affect your marriage. When one spouse takes charge of looking after the house and children and cares for their sick partner, misunderstandings within the relationship are expected.
Looking after a cancer patient and helping them while they get treatment requires a lot of patience. It's easy for a caregiver to feel burdened by all the responsibilities they carry. Some also feel like they are forcing themselves to sacrifice their social life for their ailing spouse.
PLANNING FOR THE FUTURE
A Reddit user named Cordero_Biggs posted about his four-year relationship with his fiancée, who lived in his neighborhood and had an 11-year-old daughter. The man also had a daughter who was 16, and both he and his fiancée were working full-time jobs.
They planned to get married soon and built a house for themselves. The OP (Original Poster) revealed that his fiancée had a neurological disease that would ultimately restrict her to a wheelchair. Thus, OP reveals they made sure to design a wheelchair-friendly house.
He invested $30 thousand in his fiancée's home to increase the resale value and signed an agreement that he would receive the money once the house was sold. Little did he know that his relationship with his fiancée would change completely in the next few years.
THE SCARY DIAGNOSIS
One fine day, the OP started feeling sick. He began throwing up every time he ate something and also excreted blood. He knew something was wrong when he saw his swollen stomach. The OP decided to get tests done and received shocking news.
He had a tumor in his stomach, and the doctors suggested chemotherapy to get rid of it. The treatment made him feel even sicker and naturally, he needed someone to take care of him and his daughter. His fiancée took on the responsibility so he suggested that she move into his home for the time being.
The OP's fiancée had also moved to a lower position at work because of her health. She wanted a less stressful designation, so she had just accepted a job at the same company that paid her $20k less than her previous yearly salary.
THE UNEXPECTED MESSAGE
In an attempt to help lower her financial burden, the OP suggested that they move into one house and put the other one for sale. Unfortunately, it appears his fiancée didn't like the idea and she became detached, and her daughter also stopped speaking to his daughter.
The OP sensed something had changed to cause her strange behavior, but he had no idea what was about to happen. One day, he randomly received a hard to digest text message from his fiancée. She wrote:
"I love you, but I can't see myself taking care of someone this sick in the long-term, and I don't think we should see each other any longer."
In an instant, their 4-year long relationship was ended with a text message. The OP was stunned. He tried his best to accept the truth and went to her house to return her belongings the next day. To his horror, she was kissing another man in her house, who she had once introduced as her best friend.
TIME FOR REVENGE
The OP quickly realized his ex-fiancée had been cheating on him and had started dating the other guy when they were looking for a home for themselves. He felt betrayed and wanted to take revenge. After completing his chemotherapy, he made the decision to get revenge and leave her with no money.
When his ex-fiancée tried selling her house, he discovered the payments she was meant to be making to him for his investment in her home had been unpaid. She owed him over $32,680 as she had missed payments for nineteen months. The total amount, including the interest and attorney fees, left his ex-fiancée with merely $10,000 to her name.
As a result, she couldn't afford another house and was forced to move in with her elder daughter. She had also quit her job and was receiving disability grants. Months later, the OP ran into his ex-fiancée and reveals that she looked old and weak and was sitting in a wheelchair.
He chatted for a while and then walked away from her. A few days later, she called and apologized for leaving her in his time of need. The OP thanked her for realizing her mistake and hung up. She started messaging him and asked him if he would accept her back into his life. The OP replied:
"I can't see myself taking care of someone so sick in the long-term. Remember the box on your back porch? Did you think that (life-long friend) brought that over to you from my house? Good luck to you. Goodbye."
The OP didn't want to interact with his ex-fiancée. She was only trying to get back into his life and he simply couldn't forgive her. She cheated on him with another man, and getting over that betrayal was not easy. He felt satisfied with the last message he sent to her.
WHAT TO DO WHEN YOUR SPOUSE IS ILL
The worst thing to do to your ill spouse is leaving them in their time of need. Feelings of anger and frustration are normal when you spend your entire day looking after your spouse. Caregivers also need a support structure and should talk to a therapist and join support groups so that they can express their feelings in a healthy and constructive manner.
It is important to communicate well with your ill spouse as well. Bottled up feelings can cause more problems as they will eventually erupt. Planning a future with your spouse requires open communication, stability and a solid support system.
Have plans in place for when your spouse recovers and if they deteriorate. Make a to-do list and talk about it to your spouse so they feel motivated and do not feel like a burden to you. At the same time, ensure you are taking steps to protect your own mental health as well.
Do you have any advice for people who are looking after their ill spouses? Your words could help someone cheer up while they are going through this tough time. Leave a comment to let us know what you think about today's story.
September 26, 2021