I Was Helping My Wife at Home and Didn't Notice When She Made Me a Housekeeper – My Story

I've always wanted to be someone who follows my dreams. Recently, I've seen my aspirations take a backseat in my marriage. In planning my future, do I allow my wife to become the head of the household or try to pursue my passions as well?

My mother, Daisy, always encouraged me to give 100% in everything I do. "Roni, you should always be the best version of yourself," Daisy would always tell me. Growing up, my father wasn't around much, so I helped around the house as much as possible.

I'm a painter, which can be a messy and time-consuming business, so I learned to keep a tidy work environment. It was easy to balance chores around the house, as my mother and I split tasks equally. Cleaning became second nature to me, and there was never a dirty surface at home.

About five years ago, I met Katie, a highly-driven businesswoman. At first, our relationship was purely work-related, as she needed to purchase artwork for her new office space. Her accounting practice had just moved into my hometown. She bought a few of my pieces, and we hit it off straight away.

"You work from home, so it's easier for you to do the laundry."

We recently got married and have plans to start a family when the time is right. Katie and I moved in together and have a beautiful house that we both adore. At first, we supported each other perfectly, as I had no issue helping Katie around our home.

When it came to washing the dishes, sweeping and mopping the floors, or cooking dinner, I was always happy to help. "I'm so lucky to have a man who isn't a slob," Katie told me. Initially, it was a nice balance, as I could still make time for my paintings.

This balance is essential because some pieces can take me a week, while others can take months. Katie's practice grew steadily, and we had a balanced, co-dependent relationship. We did our fair share to keep the household spotless and our finances in order.

I appreciated that Katie supported my endeavors, and my work was beginning to gain more and more popularity. I was steadily moving from selling small paintings to more bespoke pieces. I would've been making even more money at the rate I was going, but soon enough, things started to change.

"I'm so exhausted, and I just need to get in bed and decompress."

As the business gained more clients, Katie began working longer hours at her practice. What started as a 9-to-5 job quickly became more demanding. I would never hold my wife back from her career because I know how hectic the corporate world can be.

But I started noticing that even when she was around, she slowly began to avoid chores and duties around the house. "You work from home, so it's easier for you to do the laundry," Katie would say. While I have no problem handling any of these tasks, I also have ambitions.

The extra time I need to spend on managing Katie's housework is less time I have for my paintings. Less time means that I'll bring less to the table income-wise. It's never been essential for me to be the classic man of the house, but I still desire to contribute professionally and at home.

I'm very happy for Katie because her business has been doing very well in the past few months. Lately, she's been earning more than I have, and on top of that, the potential for growth in her line of work is higher than it's ever been.

Art is much more touch and go, so in some ways, her income is more reliable than mine. Recently, though, I've grown very frustrated as Katie has left all of the chores to me.

"Honestly, you look a bit depressed, Roni."

Every time she has to do anything at home, there's a new excuse.

"I'm so exhausted, and I just need to get in bed and decompress," Katie would say. The next day she would need help washing the dishes but leave me alone to finish them.

During the week, I had to do everything independently while Katie was at work. Surely she'll help me out on the weekend, I thought. But I was wrong. While I cooked, ironed, and cleaned her floors, she went out for drinks with her work friends.

I've never had a jealous bone in my body. I don't mind that she has ambition and obligations to her company. I fully understand these things, but I feel like the balance in our marriage has shifted.

It seems that I have turned into a housewife over the past six months, and it's difficult for me to make time for myself. I have no interest in holding her back or telling her to lose momentum at work, but I want to get back to how things used to be.

Not only did we used to work as a team at home, but we supported each other's goals. Recently, she hasn't taken an interest in my art or even cared that I couldn't contribute as much financially. My mother recently came over to visit and could tell something was off.

"Honestly, you look a bit depressed, Roni," Daisy told me.

She told me that I need to have an honest conversation with Katie about my feelings at the end of the day. I love my wife and want her to feel supported, but I also need to express my true feelings to her.

Should I support my wife in her work and stay in her background, or should I move away from household chores and try to earn more?

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