Man Takes Wife’s Last Name after Marriage - His Family Blasts Her for ‘Emasculating’ Him

In a modern tale of love and identity, a man found himself torn between tradition and his devotion to his beloved wife. After making the decision to take her last name upon marriage, he was confronted with a surprising backlash from his own family.

The man began by recounting his wedding, a quiet online affair held during the COVID-19 pandemic. What set his nuptials apart was the decision he and his wife had made in advance: he would take her last name. Their choice was not impulsive but carefully considered, driven by various factors, one of which was the intriguing notion that her name would bear a resemblance to that of a famous comic book character akin to "Lois Lane," if she took on his name.

However, they had kept this decision fairly private, sharing it only with a select group of friends. Consequently, the man's family remained blissfully unaware until the officiant made the announcement on the wedding day. The family's reaction was one of quiet astonishment.

The Man's Dilemma

In the wedding's aftermath, the man's family raised the subject well over a hundred times. His mother, unable to contain her emotions, even phoned him in tears, lamenting what she perceived as a rejection of their family name. His father, who had previously harbored a favorable opinion of his wife, now insinuated that she was a controlling figure in his life.

With the situation spiraling out of control and his family showing no signs of relenting, the man found himself in a dilemma.

The situation escalated further as his mother and brother expressed horror that he hadn't "insisted" on their future children carrying his name. To this, he pointed out the absurdity of treating their family as a monarchic dynasty, after which they shifted tactics. They accused him and his wife of favoring her family over theirs, exacerbating the rift.

Amid their family feud, the man couldn't help but admit that their accusations had some validity. However, his wife's family responded to the situation with reason and grace, whereas his own demonstrated increasingly difficult behavior.

As time passed, the narrator adopted the strategy of ending conversations with his parents and brother whenever the subject arose, which seemed to be every single time they spoke. But during one particularly heated exchange, his wife bore the brunt of their criticism. They shouted at her for "emasculating" her husband, leaving her understandably upset.

With the situation spiraling out of control and his family showing no signs of relenting, the man found himself in a dilemma. He couldn't bear to see his wife subjected to such unjust treatment, nor could he find a way to make his family understand and accept his decision.

In a state of frustration and desperation, he sought advice from the Dear Prudence advice columnist, hoping for guidance on how to firmly shut down the topic once and for all. Six months of relentless pressure had taken its toll, and he longed for a resolution that would allow him to preserve his relationships with both his family and his beloved wife.

What Did Prudie Suggest?

Prudie empathized with the man's predicament and couldn't help but notice a touch of irony in the situation. It struck the advice columnist as somewhat amusing, picturing three adults engaged in a prolonged dispute over emasculation and perceived wickedness, reminiscent of historical conflicts like the War of the Roses. All of this turmoil was sparked by a seemingly straightforward decision: a grown-up man willingly changing his name.

Prudie believed the path forward was relatively straightforward: the man might need to avoid contact with his family. After all, his family had been given ample opportunities to behave reasonably and treat him as an independent adult capable of making his own decisions, but they repeatedly chose not to.

Prudie understood that this situation could be painful and shocking, especially considering the man's close relationship with his family before the issue arose. Nevertheless, Prudie advised against letting this bewilderment lead to another six months of enduring hurtful comments.

It might have been out of character for his family, or it could have been a previously unseen aspect of their personalities due to the disagreement. To protect his wife from ongoing harassment and maintain his peace of mind, Prudie suggested he consider not responding to their calls, deleting their voicemails, and ignoring their emails.

Prudie also left open the possibility of future reconciliation, stating that if the man's family was ever willing to acknowledge their behavior and offer a sincere apology, along with a commitment to never raise the name change issue again, he could consider reopening the door to a conversation. However, Prudie emphasized that the man should not settle for anything less than a genuine effort at reconciliation and understanding.

After reading the story, what do you think the man should do, given his situation? Click here to read another story about a woman who found out her fiancé had cheated on her with her sister. Years later, her sister demanded to be her bridesmaid.