Sibling 'Hate[s]' Mentally Disabled Sister & Breaks Down When Dad Jokes about Sister's Care

Growing up, one sibling couldn't help but despise their younger sister, who had autism. Their parents' unceasing focus on her needs often eclipsed their ambitions, burdening them with the role of being a perpetual caregiver. Then, during a discussion about their future with their father, a suggestion was made that cut deeper than ever before.

In March 2019, an anonymous Reddit user shared a deeply personal story in the "AITA" forum. "The title makes me sound horrible but hear me out," expressed the original poster. They had a 12-year-old sister with severe autism who required almost constant attention and couldn't be left alone. "I hate her. That should be wrong to say, but it doesn't feel like it," added OP.

Their sister was non-verbal and entirely dependent, prone to destructive and violent outbursts. They had been only six years old when their sister was born, and ever since, they felt like they never truly had their parents' undivided attention. Over the years, their family's focus had shifted entirely towards their sister.

Sibling Rivalry or Something Else?

OP was moved from their room to the basement by age seven to accommodate their sister's needs. Many of their childhood toys met a destructive end at her hands, and their complaints went unheeded. Even at 14, when their sister destroyed a computer their school had provided, they were deemed responsible.

Instead, they tearfully requested some space and solitude, and their parents respected this wish.

Adding to their frustration, the original poster was expected to serve as their sister's caregiver, often at the expense of their own plans and social life. They couldn't make plans with friends because their parents always expected them to be available for their sister's care.

Even when they managed to secure some personal time, it was interrupted by their parents' call, and refusing to comply resulted in punishment. During one such incident, they were grounded for turning off their mobile phone during a movie screening.

OP felt they were living in the shadow of their mentally ill sister's needs. Even special moments, like being chosen to deliver a speech at a school event, were overshadowed by their sister's demands. Their parents promised to attend but didn't, citing their sister's needs as the reason.

The user had kept their frustrations bottled up for years, but it all came to a head during a conversation about their college plans with their father. In a seemingly casual remark, their dad suggested they pursue a high-paying degree so they could care for their sister after their parents were gone. This comment triggered a breakdown, and they cried out about always being relegated to the role of their sister's caregiver.

Since that emotional outburst, they locked themselves in their room, and their parents did not try to check on them. In an update to their original post, OP acknowledged that they didn't precisely despise their sister. At the same time, they recognized that her condition wasn't her fault, and their feelings had been clouded by frustration.

According to OP, their parents approached them after their emotional breakdown, but they couldn't find the words to converse with them. Instead, they tearfully requested some space and solitude, and their parents respected this wish.

Arrangements were made for them to stay with their grandfather temporarily, and they prepared to move to his house. Per OP, this separation would allow them time and space to gather their thoughts and emotions. Their family planned to have a more in-depth discussion about the situation later.

The Reddit Community Reacts

Given their dilemma, OP sought the forum's opinion on whether they were in the wrong. The majority deemed them "NTA," sharing valuable advice and insights. Commenters acknowledged the legitimacy of OP's feelings and emphasized that they shouldn't be expected to take on full-time caregiving responsibilities for their sister, especially considering that she wasn't their child. They also criticized the father's joking suggestion, believing it might reflect his actual thoughts.

Another user advised OP to focus on their education and strive for financial independence, urging them not to allow themselves to be trapped in caregiving duties. They emphasized that OP's adult life should not revolve around caring for their sister, and the responsibility for planning her future care should rest with their parents.

Some users shared concerns that OP's parents might use financial support as leverage to enforce their wishes, and they reiterated the importance of gaining independence.

A fellow forum member shared their personal experience with a mentally ill sibling and encouraged OP to pursue independence, suggesting going to college far away for a fresh start.

Lastly, one user highlighted that the core issue lay with the parents, not the sister. They explained how, as parents of a neurotypical child and an autistic child themselves, they had made efforts to address their children's needs and ensure fairness.

They stressed that the responsibility for OP's situation ultimately rested with their parents and that their sister's condition wasn't her fault. They empathized with OP's predicament and placed the majority of the blame on their parents for not handling the situation better.

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