10 Ways to Deal with a Manipulative Mother-in-Law

We've all heard of monsters-in-law, a term that describes your spouse's mother who terrorizes you relentlessly. However, there are some steps you can take to try and make the relationship between you healthier, and we've broken them down for you.

When we fall in love with people, we hardly think about how their parents might cause a rift between you and your partner, especially if you get married. Most times, the culprits in these instances are the mothers-in-law.

Sometimes, their behaviors make sense as they try to do what they think is best for their children. However, if their opposing behavior continues even after you've shown your commitment to their child by marrying them, you may need to look at other survival measures.

In the following article, we look at ways to handle a mother-in-law who is just vindictive and controlling, no matter how respectful or friendly you try to be. Letting her rule your life is not the way to go, so here are ten ways to deal with her.

1. Try to Understand Her

One of the keys to maintaining a good relationship with your spouse or their mother is to try to understand their outlook. You can note if your mother-in-law's attitude toward you alters when other people join in. Also, try figuring out where her attitude toward you is coming from. It's also best to try and work on your bond with her.

2. Reassure Her Often

Chances are that your spouse's mother feels you're replacing her as the leading woman in their child's life. It's worse when your mother-in-law is also a widow, so you must find a way to reassure her. You can encourage your spouse to spend time with her, get her opinions, and take your in-laws out when possible.

3. Don't Involve Your Spouse

It's best to learn how to keep a level head even when there's a conflict between you and your mother-in-law because involving your spouse might worsen things. If your mother-in-law tries dragging their child into your matters, advise your spouse not to get involved.

If they meddle, your spouse might side with their parent, and the power struggle could cause a rift in your relationship. However, you can turn to friends and family for support and advice.

4. Communicate with Your Mother-in-Law

Understandably, you might not wish to have a relationship with your mother-in-law if she has made your life difficult, but trying to build a bond with her will work in your favor.

Communicating with your spouse's mother could help you sort through issues you both have instead of sweeping them under the rug. However, set healthy boundaries with your in-laws before taking on this task.

5. Act Mature

Even if your mother-in-law bullies or exploits you, you must remain calm and avoid reacting angrily or irritably because she could use that against you when telling her child. Instead, calm down and think your answers through and act mature. However, if things escalate, maybe getting into a mediation program or taking time for self-care could be your best shot to be in your best mindset when dealing with her.

6. Stay Wise When Things Go Wrong

When you feel intimidated and controlled by your mother-in-law, be wise by changing the subject. If that fails and you land in a fight, be able to take a step back for your sanity. Pretend you need to attend to work or fake a phone call so you can leave, leading to a defused situation. Remind yourself that your mother-in-law might not know how to treat you kindly, and it's her issue, not yours.

You might not want to hear this.

7. Ask For Your Mother-in-Law's Advice

This effort is to help you to build a cooperative relationship with your spouse's mother. Asking her for advice and considering it makes her know she is important in your life. The years of experience she's gained can also be an added benefit because you can learn from her. Don't be a pushover and do what you feel is best, but it doesn't hurt to hear her opinion.

8. Show Her Appreciation

Mothers-in-law are ordinary people with flaws like everyone else, and if you see her that way, it'll be easier to understand her misgivings. Try to be courteous to her and show appreciation to diffuse her behavior when you see her being manipulative. Hopefully, this will break her toxic ways, especially if you acknowledge her efforts in front of her child.

9. Celebrate Her Special Days Wholeheartedly

When Mother's Day or her birthday comes around, celebrate them so she can feel loved, even if she's never nice to you. Such efforts could make her change her behavior toward you. Get her a gift she's always wanted or one that could make her life easier. It's a way of extending an olive branch, hoping she'll see her faults and treat you better.

10. Evaluate Your Behavior

You might not want to hear this, but evaluating how you behave around your mother-in-law would be good. If you pick up on flaws, try finding ways to work on them, and seeing your changes could help her change her own. No one said it would be easy to build a relationship with your in-laws, but it's worth it for your marriage to their child.