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How a conversation with my husband ended our marriage

Ksenia Novikova
Jun 08, 2018
10:48 A.M.
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Dear AmoMama,

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I've been married for 15 years and I always thought I was happy. A few weeks ago, friends of ours who had gotten married at around the same time said they were getting a divorce. I was shocked because they always seemed to get along so well, and they have kids the same age as ours, so we hang out together a lot. She's never even confided in me about any problems, though we spend a lot of time together, and we are very close.

I'd run into her husband at the supermarket with their youngest girl and he looked a wreck. He'd lost weight and was completely devastated.

I got home and told my husband I'd run into our friend, and how shocked I was, and how glad I was we were in such a different situation because we understood each other so well. My husband didn't answer, which I thought was strange, and it bothered me a lot

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That night when the kids were in bed I went to him and sat down and said I wanted to talk about us - and he said there was nothing to talk about, but in such a hard and final way that it scared me. So I told him that, that I was worried and scared, and that maybe we should discuss our relationship; and if we were in trouble we should go to therapy.

He told me he wasn't interested in discussing 'us' and that therapy would not solve our problem. I told him I didn't know we HAD a problem, and so he said it. "I don't love you anymore." Just like that. "I don't love you anymore."

I felt like a giant foot had stomped on me. He does not love me anymore. I asked: WHY? And he just looked at me. I guess it is a stupid question. We don't know why we fall in love, so I guess he doesn't know WHY he does not love me anymore.

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I started to cry, told him we could fix this? And he got angry and told me he was tired of me being in charge, and always RIGHT, and fixing everything. He told me he didn't want me fixing him, because he wasn't broken.

I begged him to come with me to therapy and he refused, so I went alone. She told me: If he does not want to 'fix' it, then there is nothing to work on, it's over. Just like that. My marriage is over. I don't understand.

I just came home and commented on a friend's marriage, and by the end of the evening, my perfect life was shattered. I don't understand. How did this happen? How can I get my husband to see that he owes me a second chance or just an explanation? Something, anything.

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An awful idea entered my head. My friend getting a divorce, my husband calling an end to our marriage - is it a coincidence? Please help me. I just don't understand how this is happening from one day to the next.

Can anyone help me to see this clearly? Because I don't know what to think. I don't want to think. Please

If you need help or advice, reach out to us, and thousands of women just like you who are struggling with the difficulties of life. You are not alone, we are here for you, and we listen; so write to us anonymously using this form.

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