Mom shared her 'agony' after losing 4-year-old son to cancer

Ruth Scully has shared a touching post on social media about her 4-year-old son, two months after he passed away due to cancer.

In April 2017, Scully, from Maryland, took to Facebook to reveal the pain of watching her little boy, Nolan, before she lost him.

The heartbroken mother wrote: 'Two months. Two months since I've held you in my arms, heard how much you loved me, kissed those sweetie "pie" lips. Two months since we've snuggled. Two months of pure absolute Hell.'

In November 2015, Nolan was diagnosed with Rhabdomyosarcoma, a rare soft tissue. The 4-year-old died in February 2017.

Scully explained that she had long wanted to write about his last days.

According to her, Nolan's last few days 'shined with how amazing' her son was and 'how he was made of nothing but pure love.'

Scully described her feelings as “agony unlike any other.”

'When I brought Nolan to the hospital for the last time, I knew there was something else wrong other than just a lingering case of C-DIFF,' she wrote. 'I just knew, and strange enough, I think he did too. He hadn't eaten or drank anything in days and was continually vomiting.'

On February 1, 2017, the oncologist sat them down to hear the truth about Nolan's health condition.

Based on the updated CT scan, there were large tumors that grew compressing his bronchial tubes and heart just four weeks after his open chest surgery.

Scully wrote: 'The Mestatic Alveolar Rhabdomyosarcoma was spreading like wild fire.'

'[The oncologist] explained at this time she didn't feel his Cancer was treatable as it had become resistant to all treatment options we had tried and the plan would be to keep him comfortable as he was deteriorating rapidly,' she added.

After a while, Scully went to Nolan's room. Her son was watching YouTube on his tablet at the time.

Scully told Nolan that he doesn't have to fight anymore, but the little boy insisted that he will still fight for her.

When Scully said that the only way she can keep him is in heaven, Nolan told her that he will go to heaven and will wait for her.

"You'll come right?" asked Nolan.

"Absolutely!! You can't get rid of Mommy that easy!!" she replied.

Nolan slept for most of the next few days and Scully made sure things were in order.

'I cannot explain to you what signing an Emergency Responder ‘Do Not Resuscitate’ order for your angelic son feels like,' she wrote.

Scully had Nolan's things ready to go home for one more night together. But as Nolan woke up, he put his hand on her mother's hand and said: "Mommy, it's ok. Let's just stay here ok?"

Scully said that it seems Nolan was trying to make sure things were not hard for her.

In between sleeping for the next 36 hours, they played and smiled at each other as many times as they could.

At 9 pm, while watching a YouTube video in bed, Scully asked Nolan if she could leave him for a shower.

'He said "Ummmm ok Mommy. Have Uncle Chris come sit with me and I'll turn this way so I can see you". I stood at the bathroom door, turned to him and said "Keep looking right here Poot, I'll be out in two seconds". He smiled at me,' she wrote.

Nolan then went into a deep sleep. When Scully opened the bathroom door, she saw Nolan's Team surrounding his bed. They were crying.

They told her that Nolan was in a deep sleep and that he couldn't feel anything.

The team also said that Nolan's 'respirations were extremely labored, his right lung had collapsed and his oxygen dropped.'

'I ran and jumped into bed with him and put my hand on the right side of his face. Then a miracle that I will never forget happened....' she wrote. 'My angel took a breath, opened his eyes, smiled at me and said "I Love You Mommy", turned his head towards me and at 11:54 pm Sgt. Rollin Nolan Scully passed away as I was singing "You are My Sunshine" in his ear.'

According to Scully, Nolan died a hero because he 'was a warrior who died with dignity and love to the last second.'

'Now I’m the one terrified to shower,' she wrote. 'With nothing but an empty shower rug now where once a beautiful perfect little boy laid waiting for his Mommy.'

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