October 19, 2018

Gutted Gran asked to stay away when new grandkids are born

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One caring grandmother felt "stunned and upset" following her daughter-in-law's unexpected decision. Her own son gave her the shocking news.

The elderly woman wrote to Carolyn Hax, the Washington Post's advice columnist. She explained that her son and his wife are expecting twins.

The grandmother clarified that she and her husband "have enjoyed a warm and happy relationship with [her son and his wife]." They live nearby and visit each other regularly.

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The woman described her heartbreak when her son told her that she would have to stay away from the newborn for at least a week after birth.

She had helped with her other grandchildren. She "assumed the same help would be welcomed with these babies."

But her daughter-in-law was against it. The pregnant woman had older children from a previous relationship. She cited her reason:

"...she's always had a rather 'interesting' relationship with her mom," the grandmother told Hax.

"I was stunned and upset - it is so unlike my son and we've always been close."


Source: Pixabay

She put up a bit of resistance, but "after some debate dropped the subject."

Then the daughter-in-law found out that she would be needing a C-section.


Considering their initial request, the grandmother said she is not sure "how to respond if the call for help should come."

"My husband says an apology is needed first."

Hax advised the heartbroken woman to see it from her daughter-in-law's point of view.

Perhaps she is pushing away the older woman because she has to keep her own mother distant.

Source: Pixabay


If she didn't, it would be unfair and likely bring about a conflict.

Furthermore, Hax said she should keep in mind that "she's not a rookie parent."

Hax implored the woman, saying "chances of remaining close absolutely spike if [she] just respects choices and help without grudges when called."

The situation is unfortunate, but as Hax also said, it may just be a need for bonding time between the mother and her newborn baby.

Source: Pixabay


In worse situations, grandmothers are ignored when they try to reach out, even to grown children.

One anonymous woman shared her story to Gransnet.

“I text and send messages, my son and wife enjoying their newfound freedom quite rightly out and about. Son phones a lot but it is not the same as being with them."

She added:

"Tried everything to meet up but it doesn’t work. Am I being unrealistic because I know really there is nothing I can do to make any of them want to meet up?”


Sounding frustrated, the grandmother was comforted by others who shared similar experiences.

Most seemed complacent in their role on the sidelines. One user said, "I am just happy they are getting on with their lives."

Meanwhile, one mother is set to become a special grandmother when her daughter gives birth.

Doria Ragland reacted to news of her royal daughter Meghan Markle's pregnancy announcement.

A statement from a royal spokesperson said Ragland "is very happy about this lovely news, and she looks forward to welcoming her first grandchild."

Ragland moved all the way to London to be with her daughter. This hopefully implies she won't have any such resistance to seeing her grandchild.