August 29, 2019
Whether you are traveling on a train, airplane or even on foot, anything can go wrong. So why not look at the brighter side travel woes with a few jokes that put a funny spin on worse case scenarios.
A large two-engine train was crossing America. After they had gone some distance one of the engines broke down.
"No problem," the engineer thought, and carried on at half-power.
Further on down the line, the other engine broke down, and the train came to a standstill. The engineer decided he should inform the passengers about why the train had stopped and made the following announcement:
"Ladies and gentlemen, I have some good news and some bad news. The bad news is that both engines have failed, and we have no power. The good news is that this is a train and not a plane."
About 90 fifth-graders piled into the airliner I was flying, on their way home from a school trip. Once we were in the air, and the crew began serving drinks, I could hear them pleading with the children to settle down and let the other passengers get some sleep.
No amount of reasoning seemed to help until I thought of the solution that actually worked. I picked up the PA mike in the cockpit and announced:
"Children, this is the captain speaking. Don't make me stop this airplane and come back there!"
Smart answer by a female... On a flight, a guy asked a beautiful lady sitting next to him. "Nice perfume.....which brand is it? I want to gift it to my wife." Lady replies:
"Don't give it to her, some idiot will find an excuse to talk to her!"
Two drunks were walking upgrade between the railroad tracks.
One of them said, "This is the longest stairway I have ever been on."
To this, the other replied, "It's not the stairs that bother me, it's the low banister."
A man and his wife check into a hotel. The husband wants to have a drink at the bar, but his wife is extremely tired so she decides to go on up to their room to rest.
She lies down on the bed... just then, an elevated train passes by very close to the window and shakes the room so hard she's thrown out of the bed.
Thinking this must be a freak occurrence, she lies down once more. Again a train shakes the room so violently, she's pitched to the floor.
Exasperated, she calls the front desk, asks for the manager. The manager says he'll be right up.
The manager is skeptical but the wife insists the story is true. "Look... lie here on the bed -- you'll be thrown right to the floor!" So he lies down next to the wife.
Just then the husband walks in. "What," he says, "are you doing here!?!" The manager calmly replies, "Would you believe I'm waiting for a train?"