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November 11, 2019

Daily Joke: A Man Receives an Annoying Call from a Telemarketer

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If you have ever had to deal with one of those annoying telemarketers who call at inconvenient moments and just won't hang up, or stop trying to sell you things you don't need, and have never wanted, then you are just going to love this one man's genius strategy for getting rid of one annoying caller for good.

Tom Mabe was going about his usual business when the phone rang. He picked up absentmindedly without checking caller id and that's how it all started.

Tom Mabe: “Hello?”

Telemarketer: “Yes, can I speak with Tom Mabe?”

Tom Mabe: “Who’s calling?”

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Telemarketer: “This is Mike. You have been selected to receive a complete digital satellite system for free. With this you’re going to-”

Tom Mabe: “Let me ask you something. Did you know Tom Mabe? Were you a friend of his?”

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Mike: “No I’m not. I’m just calling to offer-”

Tom Mabe: “Hol-hol-hold that thought- hold on a second (to others in the room: Hey guys! Get really good pictures of the body… and dust everything for prints.) Mike, you there?”

Mike: “-Yeah…”

Tom Mabe: “Yeah, lemme bring you up to speed. You’ve actually called a murder scene… Mr. Mabe is no longer with us.. I’m Officer Clarke, I’m conducting a homicide investigation. I want to ask you a series of questions… First to all, what was the nature of the business you had with Tom Mabe?”

Mike: “I…I had no business with him. I’m sorry to have bothered-

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Tom Mabe: No no no hang on, I’m going to ask you to stay on the phone… this call has already been traced and we may need to come in for further questioning…”

Mike: “You don’t understand, I’m just calling-”

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Tom Mabe: “No, you don’t understand. Unless you want to be charged with Obstruction of Justice, it is imperative that you keep your @$$ on the phone, Mike.”

Mike: “How about you just talk to my supervisor?”

Tom Mabe: “No, we will get to your supervisor in a second. First, gimme your whereabouts…”

Mike: “I’m at work.”

Tom Mabe: “You’re at work?”

Mike: “Yes.”

Tom Mabe: “You bein’ a smart [expletive] ?”

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Mike: “No sir-”

Tom Mabe: “Lemme put it to you this way, Mike. Say I want to mail your [expletive] a letter. What would I have to write on the outside of that envelope to ensure that the mailman will deliver it right to your [expletive] ? Geographically speaking, Mike, where is work?”

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Mike: “40 West (beep), Middleton, Colorado.”

Tom Mabe: “Hold on, that’s 40…”

Mike: “Yes sir.”

Tom Mabe: “Michael, hold on one sec, alright?”

Mike: “Yes sir.”

Tom Mabe: “No, you don’t understand. Unless you want to be charged with Obstruction of Justice, it is imperative that you keep your [expletive] on the phone, Mike.”

Mike: “How about you just talk to my supervisor?”

Tom Mabe: “No, we will get to your supervisor in a second. First, gimme your whereabouts…”

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Tom Mabe: “(off phone to cops) Get the Middleton Homicide Department on the phone. Yeah, give them this information. Tell them there been a Talk In Connection with a fatal shooting and aggravated robbery.” (on phone) “Mike, how did you know Mr. Mabe again?”

Mike: “Wait, you're calling the Middleton Police Department?! I’m hundreds of miles away! I don’t even know the guy, I’m in Colorado!”

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Tom Mabe: “No, no, it’s not that scary, that’s just a formality. Have you been to his place of residence?”

Mike: “No!”

Tom Mabe: “OK, and tell me again what, where were you last night between the hours of 8 and 10?”

Mike: “I’m not feeling really comfortable with any of this…”

Tom: “Have you ever even spoken to Mr. Mabe, Mike?”

Mike: “No, I don’t even know the guy- that’s what I’ve been trying to tell you!”

Tom Mabe: “(off phone to cops) Get the Middleton Homicide Department on the phone. Yeah, give them this information. Tell them there been a Talk In Connection with a fatal shooting and aggravated robbery.” (on phone) “Mike, how did you know Mr. Mabe again?”

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Mike: “Wait, you're calling the Middleton Police Department?! I’m hundreds of miles away! I don’t even know the guy, I’m in Colorado!”

Tom Mabe: “No, no, it’s not that scary, that’s just a formality. Have you been to his place of residence?”

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Mike: “No!”

Tom Mabe: “OK, and tell me again what, where were you last night between the hours of 8 and 10?”

Mike: “I’m not feeling really comfortable with any of this…”

Tom: “Have you ever even spoken to Mr. Mabe, Mike?”

Mike: “No, I don’t even know the guy- that’s what I’ve been trying to tell you!”

Tom Mabe: “Ok, great, just calm down, hold on, look, just back up… I’ve got just one more question for you, Mike… as you well know, I’m sure, Mr. Mabe was a homosexual. And there is no easy way of asking this… I don’t wanna embarrass you or nothin’… but… were you his gay lover?

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Mike: What?! No! What the hell kind of question is that?!

Tom Mabe: Look look, if gay is your way, that’s Ok. I still know there are a lotta you gay people in that closet. Not sayin’ I haven’t thought ’bout it myself… you know? Go out to Las Vegas, or somethin’. Buy a couple o’ drinks… cut lil’ Mexican midget…”

Mike: “This is ridiculous! (hangs up.)”

Tom Mabe: “Hello?”

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And we just bet Mike is still waiting for that visit from the  Middleton Homicide Department. Or maybe he even quit his job. 

Great work, Tom Mabe!

For another genius story, read all about how a farmer who won the lottery intends to spend his winnings.

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