October 07, 2021
A dad who recently lost his wife forbade his six-year-old son from saying a final goodbye to his mom. He did not want his kid to grow up with this painful memory of her. Moments later, he angrily stormed to his mother as she'd tried to take the boy to watch his mom's funeral though he asked her not to do it.
Funerals are one of the most painful events you'd never want to have on your invitation card. Unfortunately, the emotionally challenging journey is just another evidence that death is antonymous with life. For one dad, it was more than saying a final goodbye to his wife. He decided not to let his son have one last glimpse of his mother.
The death of a loved one can leave a deep scar where you'd chase their memories from time immemorial. Though Reddit user redd_itask and his wife were parting ways, they'd decided to co-parent their son. While everything seemed perfect, the Redditor's wife succumbed to an accident. Without further thought, the dad decided to forbid his son from seeing her at the funeral.
SHOULD CHILDREN BE ALLOWED TO THEIR PARENTS' FUNERALS?
Should kids be allowed to go to their parents' funerals? Though it's a question most of us aren't called to answer, the decision can have a lasting impact if we decide to do so. A Reddit dad decided it was best for his kid not to attend the grieving process.
"He got to say his own private goodbye to his mom at the burial, and that didn't involve him having to look at her body," he explained.
Dealing with a loss of a dear one can be challenging to process. At the same time, a child can grow in maturity and understand the concept of life by witnessing the final journey of a loved one. However, not every parent like Redditor redd_itask felt it was necessary to have his kid mourn over his parent's death.
A LASTING IMPACT
For anyone overlooking the dad's decision, it would seem heartless to not allow a little boy to see his mother for one last time before getting laid. But it was more than painful for the Reddit dad, and he had a strong reason why he was so furious with his mom. The emotional dad explained:
"The reason I got mad at her is she tried to take my son to go see my wife where everyone else was for the viewing before the funeral started."
Thankfully, the Redditor's sister had stopped their mother before she could take the boy to grasp an impactful memory at the funeral. However, the Original Poster (OP)'s mother lashed at him, saying he was a bad father for preventing his son from saying a final goodbye to his mother.
IT'S NOT A ROSY MEMORY
The Reddit dad explained his mother already knew about him not wanting his son to have that painful glimpse at his mom. He'd explained to her that he didn't want him to see her like that:
"It's just not the memory I want him to have of her."
To his dismay, his mom not only argued with him but blamed him, saying he'd overreacted to the whole situation. She blamed him for depriving his son from saying goodbye to his mother.
THE AFTERMATH OF A SCARRED CHILDHOOD
Reddit user Ok_Duck_102 refused to attend his mom's funeral as his relationship with his parents had turned sour almost ten years ago. They'd funded their new baby from the money they'd saved for OP's college and never regretted it. However, the most significant rift in their relationship happened after they covered his elder siblings' tuition, sparing nothing for him.
"They didn't believe I had a right to be upset. Our relationship deteriorated quickly after that point. I was upset and said a lot of hateful things. I won't say they responded in kind, but what I said soured the relationship, and they pulled back from me," he explained.
The Redditor went no contact and refused to attend his mom's funeral as he thought she'd stopped being his mother almost ten years ago. However, his sisters lashed at him, saying he was heartless and toxic. Though his fiancée wasn't that harsh, she told him he had gone to the extreme. Nevertheless, OP never made it to the funeral.
IN HONOR OF LATE HUSBAND'S LAST WISH
Sometimes, "why" you decided not to have some relatives at a funeral might have a reasonable backstory to it. For instance, Reddit user ambrah1 sternly asked her in-laws not to be there at her husband's funeral. She reminisced the incident after her 13-year-old daughter lashed at her for not allowing her grandparents at her dad's grieving.
"She learned that I did not allow her dad's mother to attend last night. She is very angry with me and told me I should have put my own feelings aside. I tried explaining that I did it to honor her dad," the mom wrote.
The Redditor didn't allow her in-laws at her husband's funeral because she wanted to honor him as he'd never wanted his family to be in touch with his overbearing parents. However, was she justified for not allowing a mother to say goodbye to her son? Probably, yes, as the online community sided with her with their supportive comments.
IS IT OKAY NOT WANTING TO ATTEND A DEAR ONE'S LAST JOURNEY?
A Quora user once posted a very emotional question seeking opinions if they'd decided it right on not wanting to attend their grandmother's funeral owing to a string of sad memories. A user named Joan Starr explained how her absence in a distant relative's funeral angered the deceased's daughter.
"I did skip the funeral; I am secular and do not believe I disrespected them in any way by not attending. Their daughter refuses to speak to me for not attending and told me that she was offended that I visited them so often," Joan explained.
Sometimes, people can get so offended when you don't show up at their loved one's funeral. You might be tagged the bad person, and the relationship might remain fractured until they get over it. So far, Joan's relationship with the deceased relative's daughter remains on a cliffhanger.
Every person deals with the loss of a loved one differently. Some people take a lot of time to process the reality and decide it's best not to say goodbye this way. Meanwhile, others abstain from attending a funeral owing to a fractured past with the deceased.
However, some people think the very sight of a deceased loved one might leave a lasting impact and decide not to be there to say goodbye. Like Quora user Nathaniel White explained, nobody can force a person to attend a funeral.
Do you think the dad should've allowed his son to see his mother one last time at the funeral? And was he in the right for confronting his mother for trying to expose his son to the emotional sight of his mother being laid to rest? We'd love to know your opinions. Thanks for reading!
September 17, 2021