'My 16-year-old son has got a girl pregnant. My husband behaves in a way I didn't expect'

Dear AmoMama;

I am in a very complicated situation, and I don’t know how to get my family talking in order to resolve the conflict. Two weeks ago my 16-year-old son came home telling me he got a girl pregnant. My husband was angry with him because he felt he was careless, and should have known better.

This girl is not his girlfriend, apparently, but what he called a ‘hook-up’ after an all-night end of summer party. I am angry not just because of the pregnancy, but because in spite of all my warnings about HIV and STDs he still had unprotected sex. The girl’s parents have come over and demand that my son stand up for his responsibilities, namely the costs of prenatal care, delivery, and after, child support. My son is financially dependant on us, and all he has is his college fund, which his grandfather left in trust. We are comfortable, and would have no problem helping out, but my son says this girl had lots of different partners and is quite promiscuous.

My husband says we will not put out a red cent until a DNA test proves this child in my son’s but this girl and her family are living on the edge, I could tell, and I doubt she can even afford the prenatal vitamins that would guarantee her baby’s health. I don’t know if this child is my son’s or not, but it may be. I think we should help this girl. My husband says I am showing weakness and that she and her family are gold-diggers.

I don’t know. I can’t reconcile my son and husband with my point of view. This is tearing my family apart, they are treating me like the enemy, when I just want to do the right thing. How can I make them understand? This may not be my grandchild, or it may - but it is a child having a baby, and in a desperate situation. How can we NOT help?

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