Story of the Day: Man Tells His Wife to Stop Calling Herself a Mother
It has been nearly a decade since Dani lost her week-old daughter, yet she is still mourning the loss like it was yesterday, and it is affecting her new relationship.
Grief is one of the hardest journeys anyone can go through, with people processing the pain in different ways. Some may recover in a matter of weeks, while it may take a lifetime for others.
As such, dealing with someone who lost a special person in their life is difficult. For several years, Alec has been comforting his wife's loss, but at one point, he thought her coping mechanism was going overboard.
LIFE BEFORE ALEC
Before meeting Alec, Dani was a free-spirited teen who lived her life to the fullest. Her parents were relatively lenient, so she always got away with things, such as going to parties and road trips with friends.
When she was 17, Dani got pregnant with her high school sweetheart, and the pair decided to raise their future daughter together, despite the challenges of being teenage parents. Sadly, the couple only had days to be with their newborn, Kai.
Kai was born with a weak heart and passed away after a week. Because of their daughter's death, the couple ended up having several problems, mainly due to Dani's uncontrolled emotions as she dealt with grief. Eventually, they broke up and went separate ways.
TYING THE KNOT
Soon after, Dani met Alec, a regular customer at the shop she worked. The two were instantly attracted to each other and shared common interests. Alec became Dani's rock during their two years of dating as he comforted her through the grieving process.
Alec knew that the only way to give his wife a fighting chance of moving on was to show her the beauty of what's to come in life.
In their second year together, Alec proposed to Dani, who agreed to be his wife. It has been three years since their wedding and five years since Kai's passing, yet Dani, now 25, is far from recovering.
THE DECEASED INFANT
She visits Kai's grave twice a year, on her birthday and death anniversary, and sometimes looks at other children the same age as what Kai would have been. Alec has been supportive through it all, although his wife's other actions seemed to have bothered him.
Whenever friends or acquaintances would ask if they had kids, Dani would say yes, but she passed away, making people uncomfortable. She also often refers to herself as a mother, although having only experienced holding her child for a week.
One evening, Alec gently talked to his wife about the issue, informing her that bringing up her deceased child is not always fitting in a conversation. Despite his efforts, Dani continued to do so.
POSTING ON FACEBOOK
Their issue worsened when Dani had Kai's name tattooed on her arm during the eighth anniversary of what would be Kai's birthday after her husband requested her to honor Kai differently as he was raised believing tattoos were unclean.
Dani also wrote a lengthy Facebook post about her late daughter and talked about how motherhood changed her perspective of life and that Kai gave her the gift of becoming a mom.
Reaching his breaking point, Alec got upset and snapped at his wife, telling her to stop torturing herself with the thought of death and to stop calling herself a mother on social media for everyone to see.
REACHING OUT TO FAMILY
Seeing his wife's deep attachment to the past became a big concern to Alec. He's well aware of her antics in an expression of grief and wanting to be a mother, yet feels that she's in no place to move on with their life together.
Desperate for some help, Alec decided to reach out to Dani's family. Knowing she has a close relationship with her mother and eldest sister, he chose to meet with them secretly and discuss Dani's mental health.
During their conversation, Dani's mother and sister explained to Alec that the arrival of Kai was a whirlwind of a situation - from first being an accidental pregnancy to an eventual acceptance of motherhood.
FIXING THE RELATIONSHIP
It was a long process before Dani accepted the responsibility, and when she did, she was heavily attached. Dani's mother speculated that this emotional phase of her daughter's life heavily contributes to not moving on.
Now aware of the ripples of the past, Alec went back home, ready to exert extra effort to inspire his wife for a future rather than to cling on to the past. Alec knew that the only way to give his wife a fighting chance of moving on was to show her the beauty of what's to come in life.
However, Dani refused to talk to her husband as he arrived as she was mad about his comments on her being a mother despite his explanation of being straightforward in a situation that also hurt him.
Do you think it was wrong of Alec to tell his wife off? Had you been in the same situation, what would your next steps be? Read up on another family story and find out why a man banned his former mother-in-law from his home.