October 02, 2021
Is it fair to spy on your spouse when you suspect they are hiding the truth? "I just laid there in bed for the entire night, bored, but I definitely did not fall asleep," wrote the man who secretly watched his wife all night after she claimed his cats woke her up every night.
Trust is one of the essential elements of marriage. In fact, it is necessary for other relationships to survive as well. Without trust, any relationship is bound to fall apart, be it friendship or the bond of love. According to a survey, 10 percent of married women don't trust their spouses. Why is that so?
People stop trusting their spouses when secrets and lies come in between their relationships. Dishonesty is a big no-no when it comes to intimate relationships. You need to be truthful to your spouse at all times because once they find out you are lying, they will stop trusting you, and your relationship will start going downhill.
HUSBAND FAKED SLEEPING ALL NIGHT TO WATCH HIS WIFE
Is it ethical to spy on your spouse if you suspect they are concealing the truth? A Reddit user named "UhOhSleepyThrowaway" posted that he felt his wife was lying to him about his cats waking her up every night. She insisted on getting rid of them, but he disagreed.
The wife claimed that the cats jump on her, make noises, and wake her up to open the door for them. The Redditor felt she was lying because he never woke up from those noises or saw his cats jumping at night. He then decided to spy on his wife at night to find out the truth. He wrote:
"I waited until she said she was going to bed, then I let the cats out of our bedroom, lowered my phone brightness, and faked going to sleep. I just laid there in bed for the entire night, bored, but I definately did not fall asleep."
The following day, his wife claimed that she woke up seven times during the night because of the cats, whereas he saw her sleep the entire night. He immediately confronted her and told her that he stayed awake the whole night and the cats didn't do anything. The woman stopped talking to him until he asked her what was wrong.
She told the Redditor that he was "treating her like a child" by lying about staying awake. She also felt he was overly obsessive about her. The Original Poster (OP) said that he spied on her because she threatened to leave him because of the cats. He asked other users if he was at fault, and one of them replied:
"NTA. That was gaslighting and manipulative, and if she had issues with your cats she should have said so directly"
The OP updated the post and said that he talked to his wife at the therapist's clinic and found out that she despised the cats because they jumped on her laptop once while she was writing a story and ruined it all. He also asked her why she made up stories about them jumping in the bedroom.
His wife replied that he wouldn't have listened to her otherwise. She thought this was the best way to get rid of the cats. After the incident, the OP is contemplating getting a divorce from her wife because of her lies. Another user commented:
TRUST IS IMPORTANT
Trust helps you grow together as a couple. You feel safe with your partner because you trust them with everything. You believe they will not cheat on you, and neither will they lie to you about anything. Marriage relies on trust, so if you have stopped trusting your partner, you need to sit and discuss your problems as a couple.
It isn't easy to give your partner another chance once you stop trusting them. It gets even worse if they have betrayed you by getting into a relationship outside of your marriage. Some people don't wish to work out things and decide to part ways, while others give their partners another chance to rebuild the trust.
To give your partner another chance, you need to discuss what happened and how it made you feel. You should also allow your partner to speak and explain everything that happened in the past. While doing so, you need to listen patiently and avoid getting into an argument.
REBUILDING TRUST IN A MARRIAGE
Both partners also need to analyze if they can continue their relationship at this point. They need to understand what necessary actions they must take to make their relationship work. Rebuilding trust in a marriage is definitely not an easy task. You need to forgive the other person and start from a new page.
How do you start trusting your partner again once they have broken your trust? It's not easy, but it isn't impossible either. You and your partner need to vent your feelings and forgive the other person completely. You must not hold any grudges because they won't let you trust your spouse again.
Both partners must start from square one and be honest with everything. They shouldn't hide their feelings, and neither should they lie about anything. Both parties should also be open to apologizing whenever they are at fault. Blaming the other person for something that you did is a big no-no.
A Quora user asked if counseling would help him trust his wife again. Another user replied that the couple should consult a counselor who can help them quit the relationship. Otherwise, if they think the relationship can work, the same counselor can help them fix everything.
Some people might also demand to leave them alone to reevaluate themselves and come out as better people. If your partner asks you for space, then don't hesitate to leave them alone. You need to be transparent with your partner once you decide to rebuild trust in your relationship.
Should spouses reconcile and try to rebuild the trust after one of them betrays the other? Is it right to spy on your partner when you suspect they are lying? We'd love to know your answers to these questions. Please leave your thoughts in the comments and share this article with your friends to learn what they think about this topic.
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