It’s been a long and challenging year, but these five jokes – our very best – will definitely crack you up one more time before 2020 ends!
From a drunk man who claimed that everything in a bar was golden to a husband worried about his wife’s hearing, here’s our top 5 funniest and unconventional jokes of 2020.
"I think my wife is going deaf," the man said with a nervous look on his face.
Group of people gathering inside the bar | Photo: Pexels
One night, the husband returned home drunk. He staggered through the door and was met by his angry wife. "Where the hell have you been all night?" she asked.
To which the husband replied, "At this fabulous new bar called the Golden Saloon. Everything there is golden. It has huge golden doors, a golden floor, the works - hell, even the urinal's gold!"
The wife didn't believe what he said, so the following day, she decided to check the telephone directory and discovered a place across the town called the Golden Saloon.
To check her husband's story, she called up the place. When the bartender picked up the telephone, she asked, "Is this the Golden Saloon?" "Yes, it is," the bartender replied.
"Do you have huge golden doors?"
"Do you have golden floors?"
"Most certainly do."
"What about golden urinals?"
There's a long pause. The woman then heard the bartender hollering,
"Hey, Duke, I think I got a lead on the guy that pissed in your saxophone last night!"
BREASTFED OR BOTTLE-FED?
Awoman and a baby
went to see the doctor for the baby's first examination. They waited in the GP's examination room for a bit until the doctor arrived.
When the doctor came in, he said hello to the woman and picked the baby up. After checking the baby's weight, he seemed a bit concerned. He turned to the woman and said:
"Ma'am, is your baby breastfed or bottle-fed?"
Grandmother looks down smiling at newborn grandchild in the hospital room. | Photo: Getty Images
The woman answered, saying that the baby was breastfed. The doctor mulled over her answer for a while, and finally, he asked her to strip to the waist for an examination too. So strip to the waist she did.
The doctor pinched, prodded, pressed, kneaded, pulled, and turned for a while for a detailed examination. Suddenly, he seemed to have a "light bulb" moment as though he'd figured something out.
He asked her to get dressed. He said, "No wonder your baby is underweight. You don't have any milk." A smile worked its way to the woman's face, and she said:
"Oh, I know. I'm not his mother. I'm his grandmother. But I sure am glad that I came."
WHO’S THE BOSS?
When the time came for an elderly farmer to retire after having dedicated most of his adult life to working in the country, he needed to take care of all his farm animals in order to sell the land and move on.
Instead of putting them for sale or placing advertising, the old former went house by house in the town nearby and distributed the animals among those interested.
According to his criteria, the farmer gave a horse to the houses where the man was the boss. If the boss of the house was a woman, the house was given a chicken.
A man in a farm pets his dog next to his horse while out in the county. I Image: Pixabay.
After having walked through an entire street, the old man saw a couple gardening together by their home, and he approached them to figure out which one of them was the boss.
“Who’s the boss around here?” the old farmer proceeded to ask the young couple, with the husband saying, “I am.”
“I have a black horse and a brown horse,” the farmer asked in consequence, “Which one would you like?” he asked.
After giving it his consideration for a minute, the man finally replied: “I want the black one.”
At this point, the man’s wife couldn’t help but intervene, saying, “No, no, no. Get the brown one,” prompting the old farmer to see the truth about this couple and to say,
“Here’s your chicken.”
CAN YOU HEAR ME?
A man decided to go to a doctor because he thought that his wife had lost her ability to hear. Nervous and worried sick, he patiently waited for his turn.
Soon, he was called into the doctor's cabin. The doctor smiled at him and asked him to have a seat. "So what seems to be the problem, sir?" the doctor asked.
"It's not me. It's my wife," the man began. "I'm here to get some advice." "I'm all ears," the doctor replied. "I think my wife is going deaf," the man said with a nervous look on his face.
A worried man. | Source: Pexels
"Why do you think so," the doctor queried. "Well, she just doesn't reply to me anymore. She doesn't seem to be able to hear me," the man said. The doctor was lost in thought for a moment. Then he came up with a solution.
"Well, here's something that might work. First, we will need to find out just how hard of hearing she is," the doctor said.
"Stand at least 10 feet away from her and ask her a question. If she doesn't answer, move a little closer to her. Repeat until she is finally able to hear you."
The man went home and decided to try what the doctor had advised him to do. He went to the kitchen where his wife was busy cooking.
"Honey, what's for dinner?" he asked. No response. The man inched a little closer towards his wife and asked the same question again. Still no reply.
The man kept moving closer and closer and asked the same question. His wife just wouldn't respond to him. At this point, the man was pretty sure that his wife was going deaf after all.
With a little hope, he finally stood a few inches apart from her and asked the same question. "Honey, what's for dinner? I'm super hungry."
"For the tenth time, I said we're having meatloaf for dinner!"
A man who worked for his family had a housewife, whom he envied and wanted to experience what he went through every day, so one night he prayed:
“I go to work every day and put in eight hours while my wife merely stays at home. I want her to know what I go through, so please create a trade in our bodies.”
The Lord heard the man’s words and decided to grant his prayer. The next morning, he woke up in his wife’s body.
In his new form, the husband got up from bed to cook breakfast for his wife and kids. He then woke up their children, prepared their clothes, and packed their lunches for school.
After, he fed them, dropped them off at school, went home to get the dry cleaning, and left it at the dry cleaners. Before going back, he stopped by the bank to withdraw and drove to the electric and phone company to pay the bills.
He then proceeded to the grocery shop, headed home, and fixed what he bought. Next, he cleared the cat’s litter box and bathed their dog.
By then, it was 1 pm, and he had to hurry to make the kids’ bed, do the laundry, vacuum, sweep, and clean the kitchen floor.
After doing household chores, he had to run to pick the kids up and managed to get into an argument with them during the drive home. Home, at last, he prepared snacks for the kids and organized to do their homework.
Then, he ironed the clothes while watching television, just in time to begin preparing for dinner at 4:30. He peeled potatoes and washed the vegetables to pair with their breaded pork chop.
After dinner, he washed the dishes, folded the laundry, showered the children, and put them to bed. By 9 pm, he was exhausted but still had to go to bed, where he was expected to make love, which he did not complain about.
When the man woke up the following day, he knelt by the bed, closed his eyes, and prayed to the Lord. He said:
“Lord, I don’t know what I was thinking. I was so wrong to envy my wife being able to stay home all day. Please, oh please, let us trade back.”
God heard him and immediately replied: “My son, I feel you have learned your lesson, and I will be happy to change things back to the way they were. You’ll have to wait nine months, though. You got pregnant last night.”
We really hope you enjoyed these and the rest of the jokes we shared throughout the year. But if you want to read even more funny stories, try this one about four college students who missed an important test for partying.