Comedian Ricky Gervais once said that if you can laugh in the face of adversity, you’re bulletproof. With these jokes, we’ve got you covered for quite some time.
Since there’s no best way to end the year than with a good laugh, we put together our very best jokes. From a witty naval student to an obedient man, here's our top 10 funniest and silliest jokes of 2020.
“I was so wrong to envy my wife being able to stay home all day.”
After spending an impressive amount of years working tirelessly and astutely, a worker in dire need made his way into his boss's office to discuss his worries.
Inside the office, the employee began the discussion by establishing his longevity in the company. Without hesitation, he proceeded to the main subject.
The man was a hot cake as more than three other firms were after him. Having explained that, he told his boss that he needed an increment in his salary.
An angry boss talking to an employee | Source: Shutterstock
This somewhat puzzled the boss, who asked: "A raise?" and added that, "I would love to give you a raise, but this is not just the right time."
Neither was it the right time for the employee to give up, so he remained persistent in his quest to convince his boss. His first line of action was to appeal to the listener by expressing his recognition of the firm's low sales due to the current economic meltdown.
Then the worker went on about his zealousness and consistent hard work, which had advanced company in a good cause. After all, he had been with the firm for a decade.
Photo of a boss firing his employee | Source: Shutterstock
The employer thought about all he heard for a while, then aired his decision. The complainant's offer involved a ten percent increase in salary accomplished by five days of leave time.
Seemingly excited, the worker continued to thank his boss, who was still pondering over who the other competitors were. So the boss asked for the names of the four companies who were after his employee. Still overwhelmed by the consideration, the worker blurted out,
"Oh, the electric company, gas company, water company, and the mortgage company."
Aman who worked for his family
had a housewife, whom he envied and wanted to experience what he went through every day, so one night he prayed:
“I go to work every day and put in eight hours while my wife merely stays at home. I want her to know what I go through, so please create a trade in our bodies.”
The Lord heard the man’s words and decided to grant his prayer. The next morning, he woke up in his wife’s body.
In his new form, the husband got up from bed to cook breakfast for his wife and kids. He then woke up their children and prepared their clothes, and packed their lunches for school.
After, he fed them, dropped them off at school, went home to get the dry cleaning, and left it at the dry cleaners. Before going back, he stopped by the bank to withdraw and drove to the electric and phone company to pay the bills.
He then proceeded to the grocery shop, headed home, and fixed what he bought. Next, he cleared the cat’s litter box and bathed their dog.
By then, it was 1 pm, and he had to hurry to make the kids’ bed, do the laundry, vacuum, sweep, and clean the kitchen floor.
After doing household chores, he had to run to pick the kids up and managed to get into an argument with them during the drive home. Home, at last, he prepared snacks for the kids and organized to do their homework.
Then, he ironed the clothes while watching television, just in time to begin preparing for dinner at 4:30. He peeled potatoes and washed the vegetables to pair with their breaded pork chop.
After dinner, he washed the dishes, folded the laundry, showered the children, and put them to bed. By 9 pm, he was exhausted but still had to go to bed, where he was expected to make love, which he did not complain about.
When the man woke up the following day, he knelt by the bed, closed his eyes, and prayed to the Lord. He said:
“Lord, I don’t know what I was thinking. I was so wrong to envy my wife being able to stay home all day. Please, oh please, let us trade back.”
God heard him and immediately replied: “My son, I feel you have learned your lesson, and I will be happy to change things back to the way they were. You’ll have to wait nine months, though. You got pregnant last night.”
The mother and father of a 15-year-old boy came home from work to discover a brand, new, top-of-the-line Porsche convertible parked in their driveway.
They walked in to find their son calmly playing video games, and the father asked him: "Whose car is that? Get whoever it is to get it out of the driveway because I want to park my car in the garage!"
His son barely looked away from the computer screen and answered him nonchalantly: "You mean the black Porsche?"
Irritated, the father responded: "YES! Of course, the Porsche! Whose is it?" The son answered: "It's mine." "Yours?" screamed the mother, "You stole it? I knew you were hanging around with the wrong sort..."
The son replied calmly: "Don't be silly, mom, I didn't steal it -- I bought it." Dad's eyes nearly popped out, and he exclaimed incredulously: "BOUGHT IT? With what? Your allowance barely covers bus fare!"
"Yes," added the mom, "And we know what a car like that costs!" "Well, this one cost me $15!" “Who would sell a car like that for fifteen dollars?” they asked, astounded.
The boy replied: “It was the lady up the street. I don’t know her name–they just moved in. She saw me ride past on my bike and asked me if I wanted to buy a Porsche for fifteen dollars.” And he showed his parents the ownership papers, signed over in his name.
"That's unbelievable! She must want something... She may even be a child abuser wanting to lure our son with a luxury car," cried mom.
She turned to the father and demanded, "John, you walk on over there right now, and you get this story sorted out, or I call the Police!"
The boy’s father knocked on their new neighbor's door, and when she answered, he introduced himself and asked her why she had sold his son a $200,000 car for $15. Smiling angelically, the lady replied:
"This morning, I got a phone call from my husband, who I believed to be on a business trip, telling me that he was in Hawaii with his secretary and intended to leave me. He asked me to sell his new Porsche and send him the money so he could start over... So I did.”
TROUBLE AT THE SEA
Ayoung naval student
was being put through a test of his knowledge on how to act when facing a storm (or two) by a sea captain. The captain asked his pupil:
“What would you do if a sudden storm sprang up on the starboard side?” “Throw out an anchor, sir,” the young man responded.
“What would you do if another storm sprang up?” the superior asked in turn. “Throw out another anchor, sir,” replied the student.
Navy students receive training at a military facility as an army plane takes flight. I Image: Pixabay.
“And if another terrific storm sprang up forward, what would you do then?” the captain went on to ask. “Throw out another anchor, sir,” was all that the student could come up with as an answer.
“Hold on. Where are you getting all those anchors from?” the captain said, interrupting his student. To which, the rapid thinking student hilariously replied:
“From the same place you’re getting your storms, sir.”
took all of his five kids to the local fair to have a great time with them. After playing several games, he managed to snag a prize.
He won a toy while playing a hoop-la and chose to give it to one of them but couldn’t decide who it would be. He then decided to narrow down his options by playing a game of asking the kids who among them deserved the toy the most.
A happy family of a father, mother and five children posing for a photo. | Photo: Shutterstock.
Looking at them, he said, “Who is the most obedient? Who never talks back to mum? Who does everything she says?”
The kids didn’t say anything and kept staring at him for a while before they finally answered. All echoing their answers at the same time, they said:
“Okay, Dad. You can have the toy.”
One day, the elderly and wealthy woman spent some leisure time at the beach, and she couldn’t help but keep bragging about her two beloved and admired grandchildren with any stranger that gave her some attention.
There was a particular person that, after listening to the woman for a while, couldn’t refrain from interrupting her with a comment, and he went on to ask her about the age of the grandchildren she couldn’t stop talking about.
Visibly grateful for the question and the interest shown in her grandchildren by a stranger, the grandmother started to reply:
“The doctor is four, and the lawyer is six…”
Every single morning, one of the secretaries of a company, Gwen, would come to work with a newspaper. Without any request or encouragement, she would open the paper up and go straight to the horoscopes section.
Gwen would then proceed to read the whole office’s horoscope predictions out loud for that day until she was done. Eventually, her boss got tired of this trend and approached her.
Her boss confronted her, asking: “Gwen, You seem to be a normal, level-headed person. Do you really believe in astrology?” The secretary cheerily replied:
“Of course not. You know how skeptical we Capricorns are.”
BEWARE OF THE DOG
A man walked into a little corner store, and upon entering, he notices a warning sign posted on the store's window. The sign had warned those coming into the store to be aware of a dog as it might pose a danger to those who came in.
Taking notice of this, the man cautiously looks around for the dangerous but instead finds a harmless old hound dog lying lazily beside the cash register without a care in the world.
Thinking perhaps there was another dog the sign was referring to, the man asked the store manager if there was another dog. Looking up from what he was doing, the store manager replied that there was no other dog, and the sign was referring to the hound.
A resting dog | Photo: Pixabay
At this point, the man could not help but be amused at why such a sign was put out when the dog was harmless and could cause no significant damage.
Finding the situation utterly hilarious, the man asked the store manager why they had put out the sign. The owner replied:
“Because before I posted that sign, people kept tripping over him.”
Four university students thought about making their friendship memorable. Since their final exam was scheduled for the next day, the group decided to throw a big party. They were up all night, enjoying the party with no worries.
They all consumed several bottles of alcohol and, after a long night of merrymaking, the students failed to wake up early the next morning. They ended up missing the most important exam of the day.
Still nursing a hangover, they decided to cover up their tardiness. One of them suggested they fake an excuse to the professor. Once in the classroom, the students nervously spoke to their professor.
A man teaching his students. | Photo: Pexels
One of them told the professor that they could not catch the test because they had a flat tire. After a discussion with their professor, the latter gave the students another chance to take the exams.
After fixing the problem brought about by their partying the night before, the students heaved a sigh of relief. The students were serious about acing their exams.
To make up for their mistake, they studied hard and internalized their notes and books for a long time. The day of their exams came. To avoid any cheating during exams, the professor placed them in separate rooms.
Each of the four students was given a set of test papers worth 100 points. They all answered the first question, which was worth five points, with ease.
One of the students thought their exams were going to be a piece of cake. Unknown to them, the professor prepared an interesting question that was related to their recent experience.
When the students turned another page, their eyes grew big at the sight of the question. It was a question they cannot find in the books they studied. The question was worth 95 points.
“Which tire was flat?”
One day, a proud dad excitedly drove with his son to the school’s soccer field for the latter’s weekly team practice. But when they arrived there, his father was disappointed to see that no one else showed up. It was the second week in a row that only them turned up for the soccer team practice.
Taking a deep breath, the frustrated father told his son to tell his coach that they keep coming for practice, but no one shows up each time.
A boy holding a soccer ball looking for his playmates. | Photo: pixabay.com
Rolling his eyes, the son replied: "He’ll just tell me the same thing he did before." The father asked, "Which was?” The son answered:
"That practice is now on Wednesdays, not Tuesdays."
We really hope you enjoyed these and the rest of the jokes we shared throughout the year. But if you want to read even more funny stories, try this one about a drunk man who claimed everything in a bar was golden.